《水浒一百零八将全图》Full Illustration of A Hundred and Eight Leaders of Water Margin
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Monday, September 21, 2020
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A Stroll in the Garden of Wisdom
Beauty is in itself an advanced level of aesthetic appreciation, and the ne plus ultra level of Beauty as such, will constitute the perfected state of refinement, thus the divine and the godly Grace in all its form and manner manifested.
Human, qua Human, as such, by nature and by default has a fallible and irrational side of him/her self. That is the Case. It is the exercise of virtue, that is, by means of rational faculty and self-perfection, to check the fallible and irrational aspect of him/her self, and that constitutes Excellence, the ultimate purpose of being a human.
Common Sense is by and large good but not perfect.
War is a necessary evil as part of the package for the perfection of the human race.
Game is essential for survival, procreation, and means for Excellence.
All games have three possible outcomes: a tie, a gain, and a loss.
Life is a game, play it, enjoy it, profit from it, and learn from it to the best of one's capability.
A game played on an open-ended course of duration in perpetuity will be meaningless because other than ties, which are neutral thus invalid, the gains and losses will always compensate each others. Therefore, all games have to be timed, as life itself is timed, so that an outcome can be reached.
All mortal beings have the potentiality for Excellence.
Freedom is the exercise of Free Will, which engages in the act of free choices by means of rationality. Freedom is NOT the same as solely engaging in impulsive and licentious behaviors, because such conduct is SUBJECTED to one's instinct and passion, thus in theory, not free. The usage of words like freedom and liberty is so casual and mundane that it had already shed much of their sacred substances, because the true and pure realm of Freedom is still very sparsely populated. A free man by definition has to be free both physically and spiritually. his physical freedom means that he is not a slave, a serf, or an indentured laborer. His spiritual freedom means that both his acts and intellectual disposition are reached solely based on his own Free Will, and free from the influences and subjugation of other entities such as peer pressure, group behavior, consumer fetishism, and above all, his own natural instincts and passion. Freedom is above animal kingdom, bondage, civilization, it is the highest level of a state of being that one aspires to.
Free Will is the independent action made by an individual without the constraints and obligation of any a priori prerequisites, even though the decision and the action he/she makes might appeared to be a far cry from Freedom. Thus, in theory, one could sustain the exercise of Free Will at all time given he/she is conscious and rational, but in practice he/she will never be in the realm of Freedom at all time. The key here is the free exercise of Volition, after a careful examination and analysis of a priori prerequisites, which could be constraining at times, nevertheless, one comes to an independent self-made determination and resolution. Free Will is relatively a young brainchild in the history of ideas, most deliberated in the West for their peculiar vocation on ideas such as Freedom, Liberty, and Liberation. Free Will is an inalienable part of Human Rights, and should be promoted & encouraged as a prudential cause for Excellence.
Metaphysical intellectual engagement inevitably disposes one on the philosopher's P.O.V. and he naturally philosophizes on the essence and forms of Everything - an ontological Quest.
Language is a verbal means of communication which consists of the basic components of syntax and grammar, and requires a relative degree of intelligence in order to conduct and execute interpersonal communication in a rational, logical, and intelligible manner. To wit, only humans engage in linguistic communication, animals engage in communication no doubt, but not LINGUISTIC communication.
Prophets are those ones who shout "eureka", who came to understand the "hows", "whats", and "whys" of things and matters, and they begin to tell people. However, people initially will almost certainly be reluctant to hear and learn from them, because "ignorance is bliss", and "pure ignorance" is "Pure Bliss"; that is, infants, which isn't always necessarily a bad thing.
Amorous relationship is rooted in the evolutionary sexual selection, complicated by human intelligence/folly, personal disposition, and psychological idiosyncrasies, which could be innately flawed, fallible, unpredictable, and irrational, thus ultimately constitutes as a helpless manifestation of the so-called "tragedy of the commons", in which we act independently by consulting our own self-interest and limited knowledge of the given situation, but nonetheless ultimately depleted a shared limited resource (in this case mutual love) even though when it is clear that it isn't both parties' intention for this to happen; albeit that the participants him / her self cannot even rationally and methodically elucidate such deplorable consequence. Having said, it is nonetheless a gift of joie de vivre from God, and a quintessential aspect of life to make our life fuller, richer, via tear and laughter, spiritual torment, physical exhaustion, and bodily pain, because at the end of the day, we will learn from the experiences and lessons, and thus enrich our insight and wisdom of Humanity.
Less is more, more is less.
You who laugh now, cry harder. You who cry now, smile and become happier afterwards.
The more you know, the more you feel how little you know; the less you know, the more you feel you know it all.
If you think HARD, you are not on the right track.
Hubris, Gk: ὕβρις, is the capital crime/sin against God's Will. The commitment of which is proportionally retributed by Nemesis (goddess of retribution). Hubris is NOT justifiable and substantiated Pride, but a disregard of public interest, greater good, norms && tradition, law & ration, morality & ethics, but an action & behavior that's engaged solely in the interest of Egoism, Narcissism, and the wanton lust & avarice for Power. Hubris, by default, is caused by ignorance & megalomania.
Quid pro quo is a truism.
Murphy's law is a truism.
Take it easy: a truism.
The character and the manifestation of "genius" is the ability to make apparent and elucidate things which are already in existence and obvious, but just so happened to have never been thought of and seen before the genius yelled "eureka"!
Virtue cannot be taught in a didactic manner as in teaching someone how to cook. It could only be influenced, inspired, and enlightened. The most honorable, magnanimous, powerful, and virtuous person will humble himself to the MOST disgraceful, despicable, pitiful, and vicious person, because all are God's creatures, and those unfortunate ones are simply the astray lambs who are entitled to sympathy & mercy. Thus, when Jesus Christ was crucified on the cross, he implored to God: "please forgive them, for they know not what they do". (Luke 23:34 KJV)
An expatiation of Manhood: "man is created in the image of God", which implies that all men are children of God, therefore all men possess the POTENTIALITY to be in touch by the Grace of God, and thus be inspired to perform God's Will. Manhood is not Childhood or Womanhood, even though they share certain similarities just like a cat is not a lynx even though they all display feline characteristics. Manhood for MEN is the sequential stage following childhood in which a man realizes all of his potentials to the best of his ability through trials and tests. The pure essence of manhood is the sheer manifestation of the WILL TO POWER. A man shall perceive his life as a constant battleground. Short peace & respite is the preparation for new battles to be fought, reculer pour mieux sauter, for which there shall only be nothing but one aim in mind - victory. The goal of manhood to strive for in his ultimate aspiration is Excellence, and according to Nietzsche: "man is something that is to be surpassed"(Thus Spake Zarathustra). In manhood one forges his will of steel, hones his intellectual edge, develops his virtues & Honor, and ultimately, seeks the Holy Grail of Wisdom.
Mathematics is the Queen of Science, and Philosophy, the King of Science.
Most people laugh and eat themselves to death.
Most people are distracted for the most part of their lives.
Every man is ultimately a lone man. His ultimate life-long and most faithful companion is that Higher Being we know by the name, God, our heavenly father, for he created us and loves us. However, far too many, do not love and respect Him.
A true wise man shall be happy and content through the end of his days. Daoist philosophers Lao Zi 老子& Zhuang Zi 庄子 shall come to one's mind.
There shall not be a conflict between one's spiritual faith and the pursuit of scientific knowledge.
The three-fold mental occupations are: 1st Cognition, 2nd Intelligence, and 3rd Imagination.
The two essential qualitative attitudes to ensure the victory of a battle are equanimity & apathy.
Life is a tragedy. We just try our best to stall the calamity from actually happening, and luckily in our course of brief life span, most of us "luck out" by means of Will, Virtue, Honor, Ethics, Morality, and last but not least, Chance.
Comedy is tragedy glossed with wit & humor.
Noble. It is not necessarily the conferring of title that makes a person noble, rather, it is a person's commitment to the tenacious pursuit & and the assiduous preoccupation in noble causes & enterprises that ennobles such individual.
Belletrist. If one treats his/her way of writing with great consideration of its aesthetic form, style, manner, its elegance, grace, substance & value, as an art, then he/she is a belletrist.
All are in flux when they should be still.
All are being distracted when they should be focused.
Man is a contradiction. It is a Given. He is assigned with a mission in this mortal realm: to surpass himself. That is the Goal.
Character shall be constantly forged through crucibles in which one cultivates one's virtue, because in the end, character is Destiny.
Social ritual is an integral part of human civilization. It originated from the animal kingdom where human once belong. It defines social hierarchy, reinforces social bonding, formulates sexual courtship, and establishes norms, rules, regulations, and laws for people to observe as guideline for social behavior. The standard of civilization correlates to the standard of its ritualism. The more advance a society is, the more ritualized its everyday activities become. The Chinese Confucian considered the diligent observation of rituals, or Li 礼, as an integral component of virtues of a junzi 君子, a gentleman of noble character and integrity. Nevertheless, in comparison, a junzi's observation of rituals is within the moral domain, whereas a gaudy mediocre nouveau riche's observation of rituals, such as manicure/pedicure, fashion, gourmet cuisine, etc., is largely due to vanity. The very existence of ritual as a human behavioral phenomenon and its continuous refinement is due to Evolution, to wit, nature selection & sexual selection. It is an indispensable component of social necessity that is ubiquitous in every facet, class, and realm of society, which in turn, ensures the maintenance and survival of an individual, a family, a clan, an organization, a nation-state, and ultimately, a species as a whole.
What is happiness? Happiness is the enjoyment and engagement of pleasure. "Happy" comes from the word "hap", an old Norse word meaning "luck", therefore implying that the enjoyment of happiness is being lucky, a rather unsophisticated worldview. "Pleasure" is better defined; it comes from the old French word meaning "being pleased". Here is the point where we can investigate the physiology, the nature, and the qualitative substance of Pleasure, simply because there are many forms and degrees of pleasure, and animals certainly enjoy it too; are ours and animals' quality of pleasure the same? On the most fundamental level, i.e. corporeal, emotional, and material, yes, albeit with a nuance of varied degree. People all enjoy a sense of pleasure when otherwise free from physical ailment, mental illness, and/or depression, we are pleased when being well-fed, situated in comfort/warmth, and experiencing love and joy. In the realm of human recreational capacity, their qualities and substance of pleasure is far more diversified and manifold than animal's recreational pleasure, even radicalized to the point of perversion, such as pyromania, kleptomania, pedophilia, voyeurism, S&M, fetishism, to name but a few. Indeed, one person's pleasure could be another's abhorrence. Nevertheless, categorically speaking, all of these forms of pleasure originated from the instinctual impulse, it is only when mobilizing the entire domain of human faculty that one will find the ultimate sense of pleasure/happiness/bliss/blessing. Indeed the English language is here in a bit of poverty to describe such state-of-mind that we have to borrow from the Greek: eudaimonia, literally meaning "good spirit", which implies living and doing well in the sense that the true essence of human good is flourishing and prospering within oneself. Aristotle is the one who expounded on this subject when he attempted to seek out the most perfect life. In his treatise, Nicomachean Ethics, he explains that there are three ways of life, on the most fundamental, as explained before, is the instinctual "creature comfort", a life of carnal/material pleasure: bios apolaustikos, which really implies a life of addiction. Then, since human are endowed with the gift of reasoning, it follows that the most perfected life is the contemplation of things of First Importance and Great Excellence: bios theoretikos, which means a life of intellectual preoccupation. Finally, there are men/women with courage & virtue & will power, who take action in order to better the world and in turn, bettering themselves: bios politikos, which means embarking on a life of political enterprise. All in all, the highest stage of Happiness requires a great deal of virtue, excellence, perseverance, and faith. It is only when one harmonizes the three forms of life described above, can one achieve the ne plus ultra state of eudaimonic being, and this, shall be considered the highest level of Happiness. It goes without saying that when one is engaged in such state of mind, he/she is content, tranquil, peaceful, effortless,fulfilled, perfected, and complete. In the Western sense, he/she is blessed with the Grace of God. In the Chinese sense, he/she is at one with Dao 道. In the Buddhist sense, he/she has achieved Nirvana निर्वाण.
The Last Man. The Nietzschean idea of the "Last Man", or letzte mensch, refers to the ultimate categorical mankind in accordance with his own mundane being, existence, and disposition. He is the antithesis of the Nietzschean Übermensch, or "overman"/"superman", whom Nietzsche sees as man's ultimate aspiration, as he often reiterates, especially in Thus Spake Zarathustra: "man is something that is to be surpassed". By default, as the economical, political, and technological trend progresses, men inevitably and unwittingly becomes the "Last Man", as the generic consumer in the modern democratic and capitalistic society that we live in today, which, according to Francis Fukuyama, is the Final Stage of human history as he put it: "the End of History". The "Last Man" is a logical produce of German Idealism, most significantly deduced from Hegelian dialectics, i.e. thesis-antithesis-synthesis, he is a man devoid of thumos (Gk.), meaning chest/spiritedness, or metaphorically, aspiration, that is, to aspire to some upper stage of "being" and beyond. He lives in a materialistic world, he works, pays his taxes, votes, talks the talk and walks the walk, consumes and exhibits his urbanity; a philistine or an amateur connoisseur of sorts that he is, nevertheless, engages in a life of "rottenness and wormeatenness", according to Nietzsche: he is a member of the herd, who does not understand or even intend to comprehend the Nature of his suffering and misery.
American Psycho. Bret Ellis' fictional character, Patrick Bateman, from his postmodern/transgressive novel, American Psycho, is an intriguing individual worth analyzing from a philosophical and sociological perspective. Complying with the ideas of the existentialist school, he is a continuation from the characters written by Camus and Sartre, accentuated by a high-octane perversion and psychopathic disposition. Nevertheless, he is able to achieve a quasi-cult following precisely due to the fact that the readers identify with his vivid desperation and his abysmal sense of frustration by trapping in this consumer-fetishistic and commodity-materialistic society, and that there is "NO EXIT". He is the archetypal embodiment of the Nietzschean "Last Man", but furthermore, because the "Last Man" has already been desensitized and simply become the docile Hindu cow, and yet, Bateman, being super smart and acutely witty about things and his surroundings, he feels a profound sense of alienation, "on the verge of frenzy". He is the offspring of those who has already climbed to the top of the social ladder, thanks to his progenitors through innumerable generations, however, he has become lost in touch with Humanity and felt that his soul being fettered in this existential living hell. He feels imprisoned in the materialistic and physical shell, and yet he revels and indulges in it like fish in the water, and he acerbically confides: " all it comes down to is: I feel like shit but look great"! He is ultra-narcissistic, and obsessive/compulsive, a rather ubiquitous trait of modern era, if not a necessary evil of capitalism, but he behaves helplessly to oblige to such fetishism, in the meantime satisfies his desperation with sadistic & misogynistic passion for murders and torture. However, the reader gets the impression toward the end of the novel that these homicides/tortures might be just his delusions or hallucinations, or simply his imagination even though the author intentionally left it ambiguous and subject it to the reader's own interpretation. All in all, it is a fiction which is meant to be iconic, metaphorical, and hyperbolic as a literary style; it speaks to a wide range of audience who empathize with Bateman's dilemma, helplessness, and frustration, a default consequence of material indulgence, the pillar of capitalism. My own take is that Bateman, as an epitome of the "Last Man", is pitiful and miserable due to his folly, hubris, and trapping in this gilded age. Being highly intelligent as his natural endowment, he could have metamorphosized out of his cocoon, his own crucible, thus becomes enlightened and invests his wits into any positive enterprises, such as his talent for music review, etc.
Aesthetic Appreciation is a cognitive faculty that all animals, including human possess as an instinctive psychological behavior. The cause of which is rooted in the sexual/reproductive drive. It is an evolutionary trait, and a basic integral psychological component which in turn, by means of reproduction, ensures the survival of a species. Thus, animals are beautiful, and all appreciate their form of beauty, say, a peacock, a stag, a bull walrus, a lion, etc. We human, however, has taken the degree of the appreciation of aestheticism to a whole other level. On our lowest level, we appreciate lovely manicure, gaudy fashion, beautiful people, as an unconscious manifestation of the sexual/reproductive drive. Then, we appreciate art, the crown jewel of human civilization, a distinct phenomenon reserved to human only, which is something Freud considered as Sublimation. That is, we channeled the basic biological instinct into a transcendent realm of appreciation. The manner of such appreciation varied from individual to individual according to his idiosyncratic disposition, personality, and penchant. Generally speaking, people with less artistic cultivation appreciate something they see as tangible and realistic. People with more and sophisticated artistic training and cultivation can be able to appreciate the more abstract form of art and even the ultimate non-objective art, say, a Jackson Pollock or Mark Rothko painting. They learn to appreciate the level of its intellectual sophistication, artistic depth, and philosophical conception, and its aesthetic presence either two-dimensional or three-dimensional. Hence, people marvel and be completely in awe when encounter a great piece of artwork, say, a Caravaggio painting or a Bernini sculpture. The appreciation of Music and Architecture falls relatively along the same line, therefore the German philosopher Schelling remarked: "architecture is frozen music". The appreciation of religious themed artworks should be noted separately, being generally realistic in style, they however, speak to the audience in a different manner. The audience appreciate the artwork starting from a traditional platform on the face value, i.e. a nice picture, but depart to a spiritual and theological level, which is a whole different realm - the realm of the Divine.
Money, that filthy lucre, isn't it the central thesis everything revolves around? Millions slaughtering each other for its sake, billions toiling for its sake, one wonders why? Fundamentally, money is the means of subsistence in human society. It is one's life line for shelter, warmth, water, and food. Without which one only faces death. It is a sophisticated manner of the maintenance of livelihood. Only human CARES about money, whereas animals only care about things, like food/water/sex that they really need. Furthermore, money is the means to power, glory, and pleasure, and therefore an indicator of social status. Generally, people assume the higher one is on the social ladder, the more money/power/possession he has at his disposal; but this is where things get tricky, for money qua money, does NOT entail qualitative rewards necessarily, one could be poor materially but rich in spirit, and one could be rich materially but poor in spirit. The obsession over money authenticates a human FOLLY, i.e., ignorance and a default tendency for debauchery. Therefore: money is NOT the END, but a MEANS to an END!
What is "BEING"(v.) (n.)? Being is time. It is a philosophical, ontological, and metaphysical inquiry. 'Being" is becoming, and part of believing: "cogito ergo sum", according to Cartesian deduction. (1) On the most basic level, "being" is being alive physically. In this sense, man is being alive in the same way as a plant and an animal are alive, nevertheless, man's "being" is certainly much higher and more substantial. (2) Next comes the emotional engagement as part of "being", in this sense our "being" differs from a mushroom's "being", but animals experience emotional engagement as well, are we "being" the same as animals? Partly so, but man's "being" is still potentially much more potent than animals', nevertheless, a contrarian could argue that it is merely a differentiation of degrees, not forms. (3) Even granted so, then comes to the intellectual engagement as part of "being". Even though animals do demonstrate some forms of intellectual faculty, but due to their natural endowment, theirs are very limited comparing to man's higher intelligence and boundless imagination. Animals look at a star as what it is, but man looks at a star and wonders what is its chemical construct, how far is it from us, a bunch of them makes up a constellation that looks like a lion, etc. Therefore, man's quality of "being" is much more alive, vivid, and engaging than animal's. In essence, the more intellectual engagement one occupies in, the more one feels alive. (4) Finally, there's the spiritual/abstract aspect of "being", which is only reserved in the domain of human faculty. Thus, only man can say: "I feel 'being' in the presence of God's Grace", only then, "being" is being PERFECTED.
What is the "middle-class value"? That is, in the sense of modern/westernized standards; it is a value of the majority; it is a value of the evolutionary/survival herd instinct. It is what I considered a vice/virtue equilibrium, in which the positive and the negative reciprocate and complement each other, such as on the one hand, there are diligence, observation of courtesy and ethical norms, and tendency toward upward-progressive social mobility, while on the other hand, you've got the pursuit of corporeal-material pleasure and gratification, parochialism, and the general ignorance of the Highest Knowledge, the nature and essence of things and matter in their totality and integrity. However, it is plausible to speculate that it will eventually become the Ultimate Value of Humanity by and large as we are progressing toward the End of History and the Last Man because it is the safest modus operandi & modus vivendi to govern a society and to maintain social order and harmony. Having said, if one is determined to pursuit a Higher Level of consciousness and awareness, the "middle-class value" is to be at least neutralized if not subverted completely to begin with.
The History of Philosophy and the Philosophy of History are two quite different things. The former is a chronological narration on the history of ideas, whereas the latter, takes on a metaphysical examination on the philosophical nature and morals of History qua History. Therefore, a historian investigates the contents of the history of philosophy, but a historicist/philosopher ruminates on the philosophy drawn from the lessons of History. That is, History as a whole, both human and natural. The history of philosophy is told as a story: in the beginning there're the Upanishads and Homeric epics; the pre-Socratics and the Greek Academy; then the great sages came along and the shroud of Dark Age followed; then the Christian scholasticism and came the Renaissance, Reformation, Enlightenment, American & French revolutions, Capitalism & Marxism, Darwin & Freud, WWI & WWII, existentialism & Post-Modernism, and so on. But the philosophy of history takes on a whole different perspective: it scrutinizes on the Nature of Man and the history he makes: where he comes from (animal), who he is (savage, barbarian, slave, plebeian, patrician, serf, aristocracy, priest, conqueror, capitalist, bourgeois, proletariat, consumer), what kind of history he made (hunter-gatherer, slavery, theocracy, feudalism, authoritarianism, mercantilism, colonialism, imperialism, totalitarianism, democracy, capitalism, communism), and where he's going (the End of History and the Last Man), and how (by historic/material dialectics) and why (human wisdom, virtue/vice, folly & sin), and what if otherwise (Übermensch), and so on.
The Smart Ones are those who keep their eyes open, and their mouths shut.
Obstacles & Difficulties. When we encounter them, however big and small, break them down into fragments & sections, and then negotiate and conquer them each by each, one by one.
Progress. It is only through the Struggle of Opposites that makes progress possible.
Phenomena & Noumena. It is phenomena that animate this world. However, it is noumena that substantiate this world.
Much of the world is a tautology.
Genius is someone who thinks outside of the box.
Imagination ;is a mental faculty only reserved to the human race. It is a gift of God in order to promote human to arise above the animal kingdom. It is the sole agent responsible for the evolution & progression of mankind.
I enjoy the sound of the chirping birds in the early morning, the spring clicking of an automatic black ballpoint pen, the clicking of the keyboard, and the flipping pages of a thoughtful book.
Irrational Thinking. Why do people BELIEVE in irrational things? That is, things which cannot be rationally and logically deduced and explained? For example, superstition, religious belief, cultural stereotypes, nationalism / chauvinism, love, substance abuse, etc. It is a philosophical, epistemological, and ethical inquiry. To answer this, an a priori has to be established: namely, men are partially IRRATIONAL BEING, or the so-called Freudian id / libido knows no rational and logical boundary. Nevertheless, men feel a need, a compulsive / obsessive attachment to those irrational entities, without which he feels an incompleteness in his life. The reason of which varies from cultural and social upbringing, traumatic experiences, sexual repression, spiritual emptiness, ignorance, political and religious fanaticism, or downright obstinacy, which is a human desideratum as a remnant of the evolutionary survival instinct, because things / opinions that are not your own cannot be easily trusted and / or they are otherwise potentially pernicious. One can only be cured of irrational belief by exercising one's own FREE WILL, and his intellectual rational and logical faculty. Only by then he finds out that how all of these irrational belief & infatuations are completely arbitrary, contingent, headstrong, addictive, and fetishistic, which are incidentally, also a central reason and cause to both his happiness and / or misery.
Truth is too profound, too heavy, too abstruse, too BRIGHT, too enigmatic, too confused, too complicated for people to comprehend. It is also too dangerous, like the RING in the Lord of the Ring. Someone like Nietzsche discovered it and became an invalid and went mad. Jesus discovered it but got himself nailed onto a wooden cross. Someone like Hitler discovered it but manipulated and abused it, which caused a world-class mayhem and the Holocaust. Others, discovered it but it did not necessarily bring them the "mundane / spiritual" joy. After all, we are all still human, more often than not, it only brings them suffering, sorrow, solitude, and desperation. But it is also addictive, because it is part of what we are, therefore it also brings one pleasure, like a drug, ecstasy, revelation, epiphany, bliss, and blessing. It is a double-edged sword, it destroys and creates. After all, it not only gives life, but more importantly, gives the meaning of life. Therefore, Truth should only be accessible to the mighty, wise, virtuous, honorable, and courageous individuals.
Human, qua Human, as such, by nature and by default has a fallible and irrational side of him/her self. That is the Case. It is the exercise of virtue, that is, by means of rational faculty and self-perfection, to check the fallible and irrational aspect of him/her self, and that constitutes Excellence, the ultimate purpose of being a human.
Common Sense is by and large good but not perfect.
War is a necessary evil as part of the package for the perfection of the human race.
Game is essential for survival, procreation, and means for Excellence.
All games have three possible outcomes: a tie, a gain, and a loss.
Life is a game, play it, enjoy it, profit from it, and learn from it to the best of one's capability.
A game played on an open-ended course of duration in perpetuity will be meaningless because other than ties, which are neutral thus invalid, the gains and losses will always compensate each others. Therefore, all games have to be timed, as life itself is timed, so that an outcome can be reached.
All mortal beings have the potentiality for Excellence.
Freedom is the exercise of Free Will, which engages in the act of free choices by means of rationality. Freedom is NOT the same as solely engaging in impulsive and licentious behaviors, because such conduct is SUBJECTED to one's instinct and passion, thus in theory, not free. The usage of words like freedom and liberty is so casual and mundane that it had already shed much of their sacred substances, because the true and pure realm of Freedom is still very sparsely populated. A free man by definition has to be free both physically and spiritually. his physical freedom means that he is not a slave, a serf, or an indentured laborer. His spiritual freedom means that both his acts and intellectual disposition are reached solely based on his own Free Will, and free from the influences and subjugation of other entities such as peer pressure, group behavior, consumer fetishism, and above all, his own natural instincts and passion. Freedom is above animal kingdom, bondage, civilization, it is the highest level of a state of being that one aspires to.
Free Will is the independent action made by an individual without the constraints and obligation of any a priori prerequisites, even though the decision and the action he/she makes might appeared to be a far cry from Freedom. Thus, in theory, one could sustain the exercise of Free Will at all time given he/she is conscious and rational, but in practice he/she will never be in the realm of Freedom at all time. The key here is the free exercise of Volition, after a careful examination and analysis of a priori prerequisites, which could be constraining at times, nevertheless, one comes to an independent self-made determination and resolution. Free Will is relatively a young brainchild in the history of ideas, most deliberated in the West for their peculiar vocation on ideas such as Freedom, Liberty, and Liberation. Free Will is an inalienable part of Human Rights, and should be promoted & encouraged as a prudential cause for Excellence.
Metaphysical intellectual engagement inevitably disposes one on the philosopher's P.O.V. and he naturally philosophizes on the essence and forms of Everything - an ontological Quest.
Language is a verbal means of communication which consists of the basic components of syntax and grammar, and requires a relative degree of intelligence in order to conduct and execute interpersonal communication in a rational, logical, and intelligible manner. To wit, only humans engage in linguistic communication, animals engage in communication no doubt, but not LINGUISTIC communication.
Prophets are those ones who shout "eureka", who came to understand the "hows", "whats", and "whys" of things and matters, and they begin to tell people. However, people initially will almost certainly be reluctant to hear and learn from them, because "ignorance is bliss", and "pure ignorance" is "Pure Bliss"; that is, infants, which isn't always necessarily a bad thing.
Amorous relationship is rooted in the evolutionary sexual selection, complicated by human intelligence/folly, personal disposition, and psychological idiosyncrasies, which could be innately flawed, fallible, unpredictable, and irrational, thus ultimately constitutes as a helpless manifestation of the so-called "tragedy of the commons", in which we act independently by consulting our own self-interest and limited knowledge of the given situation, but nonetheless ultimately depleted a shared limited resource (in this case mutual love) even though when it is clear that it isn't both parties' intention for this to happen; albeit that the participants him / her self cannot even rationally and methodically elucidate such deplorable consequence. Having said, it is nonetheless a gift of joie de vivre from God, and a quintessential aspect of life to make our life fuller, richer, via tear and laughter, spiritual torment, physical exhaustion, and bodily pain, because at the end of the day, we will learn from the experiences and lessons, and thus enrich our insight and wisdom of Humanity.
Less is more, more is less.
You who laugh now, cry harder. You who cry now, smile and become happier afterwards.
The more you know, the more you feel how little you know; the less you know, the more you feel you know it all.
If you think HARD, you are not on the right track.
Hubris, Gk: ὕβρις, is the capital crime/sin against God's Will. The commitment of which is proportionally retributed by Nemesis (goddess of retribution). Hubris is NOT justifiable and substantiated Pride, but a disregard of public interest, greater good, norms && tradition, law & ration, morality & ethics, but an action & behavior that's engaged solely in the interest of Egoism, Narcissism, and the wanton lust & avarice for Power. Hubris, by default, is caused by ignorance & megalomania.
Quid pro quo is a truism.
Murphy's law is a truism.
Take it easy: a truism.
The character and the manifestation of "genius" is the ability to make apparent and elucidate things which are already in existence and obvious, but just so happened to have never been thought of and seen before the genius yelled "eureka"!
Virtue cannot be taught in a didactic manner as in teaching someone how to cook. It could only be influenced, inspired, and enlightened. The most honorable, magnanimous, powerful, and virtuous person will humble himself to the MOST disgraceful, despicable, pitiful, and vicious person, because all are God's creatures, and those unfortunate ones are simply the astray lambs who are entitled to sympathy & mercy. Thus, when Jesus Christ was crucified on the cross, he implored to God: "please forgive them, for they know not what they do". (Luke 23:34 KJV)
An expatiation of Manhood: "man is created in the image of God", which implies that all men are children of God, therefore all men possess the POTENTIALITY to be in touch by the Grace of God, and thus be inspired to perform God's Will. Manhood is not Childhood or Womanhood, even though they share certain similarities just like a cat is not a lynx even though they all display feline characteristics. Manhood for MEN is the sequential stage following childhood in which a man realizes all of his potentials to the best of his ability through trials and tests. The pure essence of manhood is the sheer manifestation of the WILL TO POWER. A man shall perceive his life as a constant battleground. Short peace & respite is the preparation for new battles to be fought, reculer pour mieux sauter, for which there shall only be nothing but one aim in mind - victory. The goal of manhood to strive for in his ultimate aspiration is Excellence, and according to Nietzsche: "man is something that is to be surpassed"(Thus Spake Zarathustra). In manhood one forges his will of steel, hones his intellectual edge, develops his virtues & Honor, and ultimately, seeks the Holy Grail of Wisdom.
Mathematics is the Queen of Science, and Philosophy, the King of Science.
Most people laugh and eat themselves to death.
Most people are distracted for the most part of their lives.
Every man is ultimately a lone man. His ultimate life-long and most faithful companion is that Higher Being we know by the name, God, our heavenly father, for he created us and loves us. However, far too many, do not love and respect Him.
A true wise man shall be happy and content through the end of his days. Daoist philosophers Lao Zi 老子& Zhuang Zi 庄子 shall come to one's mind.
There shall not be a conflict between one's spiritual faith and the pursuit of scientific knowledge.
The three-fold mental occupations are: 1st Cognition, 2nd Intelligence, and 3rd Imagination.
The two essential qualitative attitudes to ensure the victory of a battle are equanimity & apathy.
Life is a tragedy. We just try our best to stall the calamity from actually happening, and luckily in our course of brief life span, most of us "luck out" by means of Will, Virtue, Honor, Ethics, Morality, and last but not least, Chance.
Comedy is tragedy glossed with wit & humor.
Noble. It is not necessarily the conferring of title that makes a person noble, rather, it is a person's commitment to the tenacious pursuit & and the assiduous preoccupation in noble causes & enterprises that ennobles such individual.
Belletrist. If one treats his/her way of writing with great consideration of its aesthetic form, style, manner, its elegance, grace, substance & value, as an art, then he/she is a belletrist.
All are in flux when they should be still.
All are being distracted when they should be focused.
Man is a contradiction. It is a Given. He is assigned with a mission in this mortal realm: to surpass himself. That is the Goal.
Character shall be constantly forged through crucibles in which one cultivates one's virtue, because in the end, character is Destiny.
Social ritual is an integral part of human civilization. It originated from the animal kingdom where human once belong. It defines social hierarchy, reinforces social bonding, formulates sexual courtship, and establishes norms, rules, regulations, and laws for people to observe as guideline for social behavior. The standard of civilization correlates to the standard of its ritualism. The more advance a society is, the more ritualized its everyday activities become. The Chinese Confucian considered the diligent observation of rituals, or Li 礼, as an integral component of virtues of a junzi 君子, a gentleman of noble character and integrity. Nevertheless, in comparison, a junzi's observation of rituals is within the moral domain, whereas a gaudy mediocre nouveau riche's observation of rituals, such as manicure/pedicure, fashion, gourmet cuisine, etc., is largely due to vanity. The very existence of ritual as a human behavioral phenomenon and its continuous refinement is due to Evolution, to wit, nature selection & sexual selection. It is an indispensable component of social necessity that is ubiquitous in every facet, class, and realm of society, which in turn, ensures the maintenance and survival of an individual, a family, a clan, an organization, a nation-state, and ultimately, a species as a whole.
What is happiness? Happiness is the enjoyment and engagement of pleasure. "Happy" comes from the word "hap", an old Norse word meaning "luck", therefore implying that the enjoyment of happiness is being lucky, a rather unsophisticated worldview. "Pleasure" is better defined; it comes from the old French word meaning "being pleased". Here is the point where we can investigate the physiology, the nature, and the qualitative substance of Pleasure, simply because there are many forms and degrees of pleasure, and animals certainly enjoy it too; are ours and animals' quality of pleasure the same? On the most fundamental level, i.e. corporeal, emotional, and material, yes, albeit with a nuance of varied degree. People all enjoy a sense of pleasure when otherwise free from physical ailment, mental illness, and/or depression, we are pleased when being well-fed, situated in comfort/warmth, and experiencing love and joy. In the realm of human recreational capacity, their qualities and substance of pleasure is far more diversified and manifold than animal's recreational pleasure, even radicalized to the point of perversion, such as pyromania, kleptomania, pedophilia, voyeurism, S&M, fetishism, to name but a few. Indeed, one person's pleasure could be another's abhorrence. Nevertheless, categorically speaking, all of these forms of pleasure originated from the instinctual impulse, it is only when mobilizing the entire domain of human faculty that one will find the ultimate sense of pleasure/happiness/bliss/blessing. Indeed the English language is here in a bit of poverty to describe such state-of-mind that we have to borrow from the Greek: eudaimonia, literally meaning "good spirit", which implies living and doing well in the sense that the true essence of human good is flourishing and prospering within oneself. Aristotle is the one who expounded on this subject when he attempted to seek out the most perfect life. In his treatise, Nicomachean Ethics, he explains that there are three ways of life, on the most fundamental, as explained before, is the instinctual "creature comfort", a life of carnal/material pleasure: bios apolaustikos, which really implies a life of addiction. Then, since human are endowed with the gift of reasoning, it follows that the most perfected life is the contemplation of things of First Importance and Great Excellence: bios theoretikos, which means a life of intellectual preoccupation. Finally, there are men/women with courage & virtue & will power, who take action in order to better the world and in turn, bettering themselves: bios politikos, which means embarking on a life of political enterprise. All in all, the highest stage of Happiness requires a great deal of virtue, excellence, perseverance, and faith. It is only when one harmonizes the three forms of life described above, can one achieve the ne plus ultra state of eudaimonic being, and this, shall be considered the highest level of Happiness. It goes without saying that when one is engaged in such state of mind, he/she is content, tranquil, peaceful, effortless,fulfilled, perfected, and complete. In the Western sense, he/she is blessed with the Grace of God. In the Chinese sense, he/she is at one with Dao 道. In the Buddhist sense, he/she has achieved Nirvana निर्वाण.
The Last Man. The Nietzschean idea of the "Last Man", or letzte mensch, refers to the ultimate categorical mankind in accordance with his own mundane being, existence, and disposition. He is the antithesis of the Nietzschean Übermensch, or "overman"/"superman", whom Nietzsche sees as man's ultimate aspiration, as he often reiterates, especially in Thus Spake Zarathustra: "man is something that is to be surpassed". By default, as the economical, political, and technological trend progresses, men inevitably and unwittingly becomes the "Last Man", as the generic consumer in the modern democratic and capitalistic society that we live in today, which, according to Francis Fukuyama, is the Final Stage of human history as he put it: "the End of History". The "Last Man" is a logical produce of German Idealism, most significantly deduced from Hegelian dialectics, i.e. thesis-antithesis-synthesis, he is a man devoid of thumos (Gk.), meaning chest/spiritedness, or metaphorically, aspiration, that is, to aspire to some upper stage of "being" and beyond. He lives in a materialistic world, he works, pays his taxes, votes, talks the talk and walks the walk, consumes and exhibits his urbanity; a philistine or an amateur connoisseur of sorts that he is, nevertheless, engages in a life of "rottenness and wormeatenness", according to Nietzsche: he is a member of the herd, who does not understand or even intend to comprehend the Nature of his suffering and misery.
American Psycho. Bret Ellis' fictional character, Patrick Bateman, from his postmodern/transgressive novel, American Psycho, is an intriguing individual worth analyzing from a philosophical and sociological perspective. Complying with the ideas of the existentialist school, he is a continuation from the characters written by Camus and Sartre, accentuated by a high-octane perversion and psychopathic disposition. Nevertheless, he is able to achieve a quasi-cult following precisely due to the fact that the readers identify with his vivid desperation and his abysmal sense of frustration by trapping in this consumer-fetishistic and commodity-materialistic society, and that there is "NO EXIT". He is the archetypal embodiment of the Nietzschean "Last Man", but furthermore, because the "Last Man" has already been desensitized and simply become the docile Hindu cow, and yet, Bateman, being super smart and acutely witty about things and his surroundings, he feels a profound sense of alienation, "on the verge of frenzy". He is the offspring of those who has already climbed to the top of the social ladder, thanks to his progenitors through innumerable generations, however, he has become lost in touch with Humanity and felt that his soul being fettered in this existential living hell. He feels imprisoned in the materialistic and physical shell, and yet he revels and indulges in it like fish in the water, and he acerbically confides: " all it comes down to is: I feel like shit but look great"! He is ultra-narcissistic, and obsessive/compulsive, a rather ubiquitous trait of modern era, if not a necessary evil of capitalism, but he behaves helplessly to oblige to such fetishism, in the meantime satisfies his desperation with sadistic & misogynistic passion for murders and torture. However, the reader gets the impression toward the end of the novel that these homicides/tortures might be just his delusions or hallucinations, or simply his imagination even though the author intentionally left it ambiguous and subject it to the reader's own interpretation. All in all, it is a fiction which is meant to be iconic, metaphorical, and hyperbolic as a literary style; it speaks to a wide range of audience who empathize with Bateman's dilemma, helplessness, and frustration, a default consequence of material indulgence, the pillar of capitalism. My own take is that Bateman, as an epitome of the "Last Man", is pitiful and miserable due to his folly, hubris, and trapping in this gilded age. Being highly intelligent as his natural endowment, he could have metamorphosized out of his cocoon, his own crucible, thus becomes enlightened and invests his wits into any positive enterprises, such as his talent for music review, etc.
Aesthetic Appreciation is a cognitive faculty that all animals, including human possess as an instinctive psychological behavior. The cause of which is rooted in the sexual/reproductive drive. It is an evolutionary trait, and a basic integral psychological component which in turn, by means of reproduction, ensures the survival of a species. Thus, animals are beautiful, and all appreciate their form of beauty, say, a peacock, a stag, a bull walrus, a lion, etc. We human, however, has taken the degree of the appreciation of aestheticism to a whole other level. On our lowest level, we appreciate lovely manicure, gaudy fashion, beautiful people, as an unconscious manifestation of the sexual/reproductive drive. Then, we appreciate art, the crown jewel of human civilization, a distinct phenomenon reserved to human only, which is something Freud considered as Sublimation. That is, we channeled the basic biological instinct into a transcendent realm of appreciation. The manner of such appreciation varied from individual to individual according to his idiosyncratic disposition, personality, and penchant. Generally speaking, people with less artistic cultivation appreciate something they see as tangible and realistic. People with more and sophisticated artistic training and cultivation can be able to appreciate the more abstract form of art and even the ultimate non-objective art, say, a Jackson Pollock or Mark Rothko painting. They learn to appreciate the level of its intellectual sophistication, artistic depth, and philosophical conception, and its aesthetic presence either two-dimensional or three-dimensional. Hence, people marvel and be completely in awe when encounter a great piece of artwork, say, a Caravaggio painting or a Bernini sculpture. The appreciation of Music and Architecture falls relatively along the same line, therefore the German philosopher Schelling remarked: "architecture is frozen music". The appreciation of religious themed artworks should be noted separately, being generally realistic in style, they however, speak to the audience in a different manner. The audience appreciate the artwork starting from a traditional platform on the face value, i.e. a nice picture, but depart to a spiritual and theological level, which is a whole different realm - the realm of the Divine.
Money, that filthy lucre, isn't it the central thesis everything revolves around? Millions slaughtering each other for its sake, billions toiling for its sake, one wonders why? Fundamentally, money is the means of subsistence in human society. It is one's life line for shelter, warmth, water, and food. Without which one only faces death. It is a sophisticated manner of the maintenance of livelihood. Only human CARES about money, whereas animals only care about things, like food/water/sex that they really need. Furthermore, money is the means to power, glory, and pleasure, and therefore an indicator of social status. Generally, people assume the higher one is on the social ladder, the more money/power/possession he has at his disposal; but this is where things get tricky, for money qua money, does NOT entail qualitative rewards necessarily, one could be poor materially but rich in spirit, and one could be rich materially but poor in spirit. The obsession over money authenticates a human FOLLY, i.e., ignorance and a default tendency for debauchery. Therefore: money is NOT the END, but a MEANS to an END!
What is "BEING"(v.) (n.)? Being is time. It is a philosophical, ontological, and metaphysical inquiry. 'Being" is becoming, and part of believing: "cogito ergo sum", according to Cartesian deduction. (1) On the most basic level, "being" is being alive physically. In this sense, man is being alive in the same way as a plant and an animal are alive, nevertheless, man's "being" is certainly much higher and more substantial. (2) Next comes the emotional engagement as part of "being", in this sense our "being" differs from a mushroom's "being", but animals experience emotional engagement as well, are we "being" the same as animals? Partly so, but man's "being" is still potentially much more potent than animals', nevertheless, a contrarian could argue that it is merely a differentiation of degrees, not forms. (3) Even granted so, then comes to the intellectual engagement as part of "being". Even though animals do demonstrate some forms of intellectual faculty, but due to their natural endowment, theirs are very limited comparing to man's higher intelligence and boundless imagination. Animals look at a star as what it is, but man looks at a star and wonders what is its chemical construct, how far is it from us, a bunch of them makes up a constellation that looks like a lion, etc. Therefore, man's quality of "being" is much more alive, vivid, and engaging than animal's. In essence, the more intellectual engagement one occupies in, the more one feels alive. (4) Finally, there's the spiritual/abstract aspect of "being", which is only reserved in the domain of human faculty. Thus, only man can say: "I feel 'being' in the presence of God's Grace", only then, "being" is being PERFECTED.
What is the "middle-class value"? That is, in the sense of modern/westernized standards; it is a value of the majority; it is a value of the evolutionary/survival herd instinct. It is what I considered a vice/virtue equilibrium, in which the positive and the negative reciprocate and complement each other, such as on the one hand, there are diligence, observation of courtesy and ethical norms, and tendency toward upward-progressive social mobility, while on the other hand, you've got the pursuit of corporeal-material pleasure and gratification, parochialism, and the general ignorance of the Highest Knowledge, the nature and essence of things and matter in their totality and integrity. However, it is plausible to speculate that it will eventually become the Ultimate Value of Humanity by and large as we are progressing toward the End of History and the Last Man because it is the safest modus operandi & modus vivendi to govern a society and to maintain social order and harmony. Having said, if one is determined to pursuit a Higher Level of consciousness and awareness, the "middle-class value" is to be at least neutralized if not subverted completely to begin with.
The History of Philosophy and the Philosophy of History are two quite different things. The former is a chronological narration on the history of ideas, whereas the latter, takes on a metaphysical examination on the philosophical nature and morals of History qua History. Therefore, a historian investigates the contents of the history of philosophy, but a historicist/philosopher ruminates on the philosophy drawn from the lessons of History. That is, History as a whole, both human and natural. The history of philosophy is told as a story: in the beginning there're the Upanishads and Homeric epics; the pre-Socratics and the Greek Academy; then the great sages came along and the shroud of Dark Age followed; then the Christian scholasticism and came the Renaissance, Reformation, Enlightenment, American & French revolutions, Capitalism & Marxism, Darwin & Freud, WWI & WWII, existentialism & Post-Modernism, and so on. But the philosophy of history takes on a whole different perspective: it scrutinizes on the Nature of Man and the history he makes: where he comes from (animal), who he is (savage, barbarian, slave, plebeian, patrician, serf, aristocracy, priest, conqueror, capitalist, bourgeois, proletariat, consumer), what kind of history he made (hunter-gatherer, slavery, theocracy, feudalism, authoritarianism, mercantilism, colonialism, imperialism, totalitarianism, democracy, capitalism, communism), and where he's going (the End of History and the Last Man), and how (by historic/material dialectics) and why (human wisdom, virtue/vice, folly & sin), and what if otherwise (Übermensch), and so on.
The Smart Ones are those who keep their eyes open, and their mouths shut.
Obstacles & Difficulties. When we encounter them, however big and small, break them down into fragments & sections, and then negotiate and conquer them each by each, one by one.
Progress. It is only through the Struggle of Opposites that makes progress possible.
Phenomena & Noumena. It is phenomena that animate this world. However, it is noumena that substantiate this world.
Much of the world is a tautology.
Genius is someone who thinks outside of the box.
Imagination ;is a mental faculty only reserved to the human race. It is a gift of God in order to promote human to arise above the animal kingdom. It is the sole agent responsible for the evolution & progression of mankind.
I enjoy the sound of the chirping birds in the early morning, the spring clicking of an automatic black ballpoint pen, the clicking of the keyboard, and the flipping pages of a thoughtful book.
Irrational Thinking. Why do people BELIEVE in irrational things? That is, things which cannot be rationally and logically deduced and explained? For example, superstition, religious belief, cultural stereotypes, nationalism / chauvinism, love, substance abuse, etc. It is a philosophical, epistemological, and ethical inquiry. To answer this, an a priori has to be established: namely, men are partially IRRATIONAL BEING, or the so-called Freudian id / libido knows no rational and logical boundary. Nevertheless, men feel a need, a compulsive / obsessive attachment to those irrational entities, without which he feels an incompleteness in his life. The reason of which varies from cultural and social upbringing, traumatic experiences, sexual repression, spiritual emptiness, ignorance, political and religious fanaticism, or downright obstinacy, which is a human desideratum as a remnant of the evolutionary survival instinct, because things / opinions that are not your own cannot be easily trusted and / or they are otherwise potentially pernicious. One can only be cured of irrational belief by exercising one's own FREE WILL, and his intellectual rational and logical faculty. Only by then he finds out that how all of these irrational belief & infatuations are completely arbitrary, contingent, headstrong, addictive, and fetishistic, which are incidentally, also a central reason and cause to both his happiness and / or misery.
Truth is too profound, too heavy, too abstruse, too BRIGHT, too enigmatic, too confused, too complicated for people to comprehend. It is also too dangerous, like the RING in the Lord of the Ring. Someone like Nietzsche discovered it and became an invalid and went mad. Jesus discovered it but got himself nailed onto a wooden cross. Someone like Hitler discovered it but manipulated and abused it, which caused a world-class mayhem and the Holocaust. Others, discovered it but it did not necessarily bring them the "mundane / spiritual" joy. After all, we are all still human, more often than not, it only brings them suffering, sorrow, solitude, and desperation. But it is also addictive, because it is part of what we are, therefore it also brings one pleasure, like a drug, ecstasy, revelation, epiphany, bliss, and blessing. It is a double-edged sword, it destroys and creates. After all, it not only gives life, but more importantly, gives the meaning of life. Therefore, Truth should only be accessible to the mighty, wise, virtuous, honorable, and courageous individuals.
posted by Dachuxing大楚兴 at
9:35 AM
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Wednesday, December 04, 2013
A Curious Anthropological Case Study of the Mi-Sha Tribe
photos of some monkeys on a tree
surrounding mountains.
Part I.
I am a backpacker
and an amateur anthropologist. I first discovered the Mi-Sha tribe in 2010 in
the southwest part Yunnan Province of China, on the borderline with Myanmar,
while trekking and actually got lost in that part of the jungle . They dwelled
in the wet mountainous jungle region that was still not in touch with the
modern civilization. They were among the last savages in the world, and their
world is very, very different from that of ours. Upon first encounter with
them, they were absolutely horrible, smelly, and offensive in every manner
describable; nevertheless after spending over two years with them, I slowly
started to admire their unique way of life for its simplicity and
purity. But I shall stress that there is nothing noble about it, I don't think
they are the types described by Rousseau as the "noble savages"; they
are simply a type of human animal.
Their population is small. I estimate only about 300 to
500 of them residing in a few villages ranged in a radius of a few hundred
miles. Their hunting Area of Operations cannot exceed more than a thousand
miles, so they are completely cut off from the rest of the humanity. The idea
of 12 to 16 years of education is non-existent, for them their life is a
learning experience. They don’t know that the earth is round or that men had
already reached the moon, I could even fool them that I am an alien from
another planet. But I just told them I am from the outside world, even though I
am completely assured that they don’t know what that is. Their world is still
within the standard of the paleo- and meso-lithics. They have not even developed
bronze and irons. They are the true, living, hunter-gatherers.
They are of the ancient Mongoloid type. They have
brownish skins, straight black hairs, and not very hairy. The men and the women
had almost the same hair length, which is about a foot or two, when it’s too
long they just chop it off with a dull stone knife. They seem to be quite adept
at their coiffure styles. Sometimes they would tie it up, other times they
would just let it loose, like rock stars. The men average around 5’3” to 5’5”
and the women averages about 4’5” to 5’ tall. I have never see anyone exceeding
5’5” so I was like relatively a giant to them (I am 5’11”). Certainly one’s
size is a predominant factor in their society, the bigger you are, the better
you stand in the social ladder, so I have received well treatment from them.
But the averaged statured fellows do also maintain their dignity and honor. Age
is also a determinant factor. The older you are, the more respect you deserve
in the village.
Because their
environment is that of a tropical jungle, they are completely naked for most of
the times. Men only wrap up their penises for tactical purposes when they are
out hunting. And women only wrap up their lower parts with rough fabrics made
of yarns and hemp during menstruation. Children run around naked all the
times. They occasionally covered themselves with animal skins when it rains and
the weather gets a bit chilly; but this does not happened often as their
environment is hot and humid around the year. The idea of hygiene is very
basic. For example they don’t defecate or urinate around where they eat and
sleep, but they don’t use toilet paper, baby-wipes, shampoo and soaps. They
simply clean their bottoms with some leaves, which are ample all around, and
the occasionally bathe themselves in the river. They seemed to also enjoy very
much spending times in the water, frolicking and horsing around, like children.
They are the most
curious people I have met, and they are so completely isolated from the rest of
the world that I shall say they are a living fossil specimen of how we, as
hominids have once lived in a very distant past. Here are some of the case
studies I have gathered during the period I have spent with them.
The idea of
monogamy is non-existent. Children were raised with their mothers, or
communally, and were quite independent by the age of seven or eight. Women whore
themselves around for complete pragmatic/survival purposes; in hard times you
can have sex with them for a piece of yam or banana. Children do not know who
their fathers are, but they looked at elder men altogether as a sort of father/mentor
figures, and looked at each others as brothers and sisters. Also I do not think
the idea of “romantic love” exist in their society, as in my opinion it is a
complete cooked-up notion by consumerism and Hollywood. Men and women freely
have sexual intercourse and they exchange partners as casual as we dined at
different restaurants during different weekends. So I didn't discovered much
jealous and love/hate crimes in their society. Everyone seemed to be for the
most part, peaceful and harmonious. Women in their lifespan will give birth on
average, about ten children, but infant mortality isn't low, so at best only
half of them reach to adulthood. Public fornication is a common scene, you can
be at the river bathing, and the dude next to you just feels like humping a
girl by your side, you can feel free to join them if you want, while all the
children are playing around in the water near you, not really paying much
attention to want you guys are doing.
Social hierarchy
is loose, but still in existent. The village elders, both males and some
females were, as a group, a committee if you will, in control of the rest of
the constituents. If there is a dispute, which is rare, the village elders had
the final say. Males as a whole seemed to have a dominant role in the society,
and the females for the majority were the subservient roles. However idea such
as slavery were still too “modern” for them, a by-product of the advent of
civilization, so there’s no such thing as slaves in their world. The idea of
private property is still non-existent. Warfare between villages is very rare,
but I heard from the elders that even if it did happen, as in the past, they
killed all their opponents, whose number weren’t that many anyway, and took
over the rest of the women, who were not so extremely opposed to the idea of
being conquered, and even eat their enemy if they feel like it.
Cannibalism is not
frowned upon but rarely practiced. I guess eating your fellow kind is never any
creatures’ top choice on their menu. Nevertheless, say if they somehow had a
beef against each other, from simple dispute such as your ate my yam to you
stoned my mom to death, in a fit of rage the idea of “I will eat your guts and
drink your blood” is not as outrageous as we might think in the civilized
world. They also occasionally practiced it in hard seasons, as I have heard
from some of the village elders. But they still refrained from deliberately
murdering someone just out of hunger, it was just that someone passed away due
to starvation, and the rest were like, hey, let’s not waste the meat since
we’re so famished as well.
The idea of gourmet cuisine is still non-existent in their world. Their
food tastes horrible according to modern standard, nevertheless if you've been
starving for over a week and starting to ditch away some of your modern
civilization squeamish "standards", it is not as bad as you initially
thought. Food is consumed both raw and half-cooked. For example they eat most
insects and plants raw. Insects range from ants, termites, spiders, earthworms,
roaches, etc., for them they’re crawly proteins, and all the same. Agriculture
is still in its infancy in their society, they will tentatively plant something
here and there but the result is rarely satisfactory; so they still primarily
rely on their natural environment. They consume much fruits, which are abundant
in their environment, but hardly as tasty as the ones you get in your local
supermarket, they mostly taste all raw, sour, bland, and/or acerbic.
Nevertheless I guess that’s where they get their major source of vitamins. Meat
range from deer, monkeys, badgers, wild boars, rabbits, rats, moles, frogs, snakes,
fish, mountain cats, etc., just any kind of meat your can get your hands on. They
eat their meat by BBQ it on a bonfire and seasoned it with a type of plant so
spicy that when it burns your eyes hurts as well; but I have to admit when you
eat it with the meat, it definitely makes it more edible.
They practiced a very unique ritual among the males who participated in it
as a ceremony of adulthood, which is around the age of 15 (By the way they
don’t really know their birthday or how old they are exactly anyway, so there
is no birthday party or any anniversaries, for them I guess their life is a
party). They will go for a hunting expedition in a group, about the size of 6
to 8, sometimes for weeks on ends, and basically just live off the land for the
duration, and hunt specifically for a mountain cat that resembled a jaguar or a
panther, quite large in size weighing over 100 lbs.. After they have
killed it, usually in an ambush and round-off style, very strenuous and
difficult that I shall admit; they will fornicate with it one by one, as
gang-banging, regardless it’s a male or female, in the case of a male I guess
they would just sodomize it. In a fit of bliss and ecstasy, they have proved to
each other, their manhood. Afterwards they will bring the poor raped and dead
mountain cat back to their village for communal consumption. They took special
pride by keeping the cat’s teeth and wearing them on the neck, laced it with
vines. I think the group alpha males always get to have the best teeth such as
the canines, but every male adult I have encounter have some form of predator
teeth adoring their neck.
As
primitive as they are, they still do take much heed on their appearances from a
cosmetic and aesthetic perspective. On the contrary from the teeth donning
practices by the men, women adore themselves with all kinds of colored pebbles
and rare stones, such as rubies and jade, the more vibrant colored the better,
and they wear them on their neck, arms, wrists, ankles, sometimes on the heads
as well. I have to admit that as primitive and uncultivated as they are, during
the years I spent with them, I still manage to spot a few pretty girls, and out
of the irrepressible primeval male urge, I have also consummated my
relationship with two girls. I do not know how many children I have fathered
since I am unsure whether or not the children they give birth to are mine
anyway. They are in the age between 15 to 17 (I wouldn’t be sure of their true
age anyway since they are oblivious about the fact themselves.). Women in the
village achieved their true “womanhood” by the first advent of their
menstruation cycle. After that, they usually give birth to their first child
at/or around the age of 15.
They
also took much attention to their body paints. Not exactly as permanent
tattoos, as it is still non-existent to them, but they used charcoals and a
brown-reddish form of tree rubbers to apply to their body, and they did that
repeatedly and periodically so the paints stays on their skin pretty much
permanently. The images on their bodies are very primitive: lines, zigzag
lines, geometric shapes, such as circles, and triangles, etc.. Everyone has a
variation of body paint and adornment, so in a way this is their form of
“personalizing” as well. Kids mimic their elders and started to adorn
themselves as well. Sometimes mothers adorn their babies too with variety of
trinkets or body paints.
On
average the life expectancy of an individual is around 50 to 60. However I have
met a few village elders who looks well in their 90’s, with almost mouthful of
no teeth, emaciated and all, at least that’s what they appear to be. Ceremonial
funeral are not conducted like we, “normal” people do, but the community do
take effort to bury their dead, quite a distance away from where they live.
They do not have a notion of afterlife, heaven and hell or the likes, but they
do believe their fallen fellows live perpetually among them. And the idea
does not intimidate them the least, for I have engaged in numerous
conversations with them in which they said they just spoke with their deceased
friends or relatives. They only buried the dead for a practical purpose,
because they smell bad after they cease breathing for a long period of time. In
a way they don’t miss their passed-away love ones so much the way we do, since
they deem the dead ones are still among them, just residing in a different
frequency I guess, so they still occasionally tuned into each others.
On a
same train of thought I shall discuss a bit about their religion. I wouldn’t
say their supernatural belief system can be categorized as an authentic
religion, but they are definitely superstitious/religious/spiritual. I do not
know if this is a form of shamanism, but they are definitely animistic and
polytheistic. They believe the world is created by a supreme female god named
“Na-Ra”. After she gave birth to the world out of her vagina, that is
everything except we human, she then one day out of no particular reason, just
felt like molding some people out of mud in the form of her own image. It is at
that moment we human were created, after she created us she also told us that
men shall rule over everything and dominate over the females (I don’t know who
made that up or what HE was smoking or drinking but that was how the story goes
according to their oral tradition past down from times immemorial by both old
men and women.). Then she went to sleep or retire (sleep and retire is the same
word in their language.) in the moon. They admired and marveled at the night
sky very much and I have to admit, that the night sky from where they reside
does indeed have a mesmerizing and charming effect on people, and that is where
all your imagination springs from and your mind makes a transcendental leap,
something that we urbanites neglects and overlooks.
They
also revered the snakes the most, the fact of which does not really forbidden
them from eating it, since the snake is something of a delicacy on their menu.
They believe the snake lives forever and lives everywhere, in the sky, on the
trees, in the water, and under the ground. The supreme super-snake that
dominates the world, just under the female god “Na-Ra”, because she went to
sleep/retire and no longer in active duty, is called “Na-Rong” or “Rong-Rong”.
And he, according to all their folklore as a masculine figure, is the regent of
the earth and constantly in active duty. They seemed to fear him more than
Na-Ra, since he’s the boss who’s in charge, and also he’s the boss in charge of
water, life and death. When it rains, which is quite often in their tropical
region, and it thunders and lightens, they believe Rong-Rong is out there
making his almighty presence and everyone should be fallen in line and pay
their utmost deference. They somehow fear him and love him at the same time,
without whom they think the world is not possible to exist.
Besides
Na-Ra and Rong-Rong there are many gods with no names all over the places, according
to different persons, different villages, different generations, and different
versions. They believe there are gods in the air, trees, rocks, rivers, under
the earth, even in your stomach; some are petulant, some are benevolent, some
are cantankerous, others are malicious, whom you don’t want to mess with and should
stay out of.
Their
language is very primitive and basic. In my two years of sojourn with them I
have mastered all of their language, whose vocabulary according to my
calculations will not exceed 2000 words. They have no strict grammar rules so
the subject-verb-object rule does not apply at all with them. If you got bitten
by a bug, you can say “bug bit me”, “me bug bit”, “bit bug me”, or “me bit
bug”, and somehow the idea come across exactly as how you intended to be. Once
you have learned their language, which didn’t take as long as say, learning
Latin or Greek, for me it took about half year, communication becomes pretty
easy. They have names for all animals surrounding them, all the plants, trees
and fruits, etc., but not to the point of such specifics as modern taxonomy.
For example their word for water is applicable for pure water, salt water
(which they have no idea of what it is), moist, wetness, and air. In a way,
living among them is like living with toddlers, where “gugu” “gaga” “dudu”
“coocoo” “kaka” all make much sense (“gugu” means worms, that is all worms,
“gaga” means ducks and pheasants, “dudu” means earth, mud, dirt, turd, dirty
stuff such as feces, and “kaka” is just an expression of scariness or cold.)
Daily
life is actually pretty carefree and relaxed. The men actually had developed a
primitive version of alcohol punch which they made by combining tons of
different forests fruits in a giant container (usually made of wood) and fermenting
it for a period of time, usually it won’t take that long since it’s so hot
there all year round. It tastes horrible like vomits, the color of it range
from green, yellow, to light orange, but the after effect is exactly the same:
being buzzed. The dudes, especially the older ones, like in their 30’s, love it
and they drink it whenever they can. Afterwards they fool around, have sex,
eat, and sleep, not that different from us “civilized urbanites”. In my years
staying with them, I have never found one instance of homosexuality in both
males and females, so I couldn’t help but to think that the advent of which is
possibly a perversion or deviation from the dawn of civilization. On the other
hand, I do not think women have authentically experienced their G-spot or
organism, but the idea of fornication with different men isn’t necessary an
abhorring one at all, and I find especially the older ones, in their 20’s to
30’s, enjoyed it very much so. In numerous occasions, there were older women making
sexual advances at me, and for the most part I tried to avoid them.
On
the same train of thought I have to mention that there is also an idea of sex
appeal in their society. Younger ones are always more preferable over the old
ones. Large breasts and big butt is preferable over those who were less
endowed. Men with taller stature and bigger muscles are also preferred over the
lesser ones. Obesity, which is a very rare scene, is revered with great
admiration, whether males or females, are always the most highly-priced ones,
and they also ended up as the leaders of the village. There are also cases of a
few very ugly, retarded, or handicapped ones, both males and females, who ended
up as the outcast and misfits, who never really get laid. I have observed a
retarded female got raped, but that isn’t much of a big deal for anyone. They
seemed to enjoy sex very much, and it is definitely one of their favorite
subjects in discussion, joking, and just generally having a fun time. The word
for it is called “Choo-Choo”. Their second favorite subject is, of course,
food, which they called “Chow-er”, or “Chow-Chow”. Men always hang out with
their fellows unless he’s humping some girls. And Women always hang out
together, young and old.
They
have already mastered the art of making fire, and could make a fire in relative
ease with a sharpened stick and some cracked bamboo. After the initial spin
with the stick on the bamboo and the tinder ready by their side, they would
able to have a fire going easily. Their weapons of choice are stone knife,
stone ax, stone-tipped spear mounted on a wooden stick, and all kinds of
pointed projectiles and hooks made from animal bones, with that they can have
harpoons and fish with real ease in streams and rivers in which I saw children
around 5 years old could be able to do.
I
befriend a dude named “Tar-Wan”, which means “big/large stone/rock”, or “big
boy/man”. He looks about 16 or 18, and is relatively bigger than his peers. So
he’s considered an alpha male among his group of 10. He is no longer a virgin
and I observed that many girls are really fond of him, which I assume, he had
sex with quite a number of them. His mother’s name is “Cherubi”, which means
red sky during dusk or dawn, or redish things of any sort. He’s got three
younger brothers and two younger sisters, being the oldest, he’s definitely the
family’s pride. None of them know who their father/fathers are.
posted by Dachuxing大楚兴 at
4:30 PM
3 Comments
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Wednesday, May 09, 2012
《紐約一日記》
詩曰﹕
吾心即佛陀﹐鳥語述泉思。
高吟喚歸魂﹐綿綿寄此身。*
*《聽New Age音樂有懷》
10月 15 日﹐公元 2003 年﹐紐約﹐美國。
一大早起床後直奔學校studio [工作室] 與Marilyn Minter (敏特女士為我繪畫導師) 做最後一次交談。My depression and melancholy become almost as a woman’s fuckin’
period. Every few weeks I will get a hit, and today I was knocked-out totally! I
should rather take advantage of this momentum of “downs” (ups-and-downs) and
write down all that had happened. [我的憂鬱和惆悵已是近乎一女人的他媽的月經了。每幾星期即會被擊一次﹐而今天我已完全被擊垮了﹗所以我還不如乘機得利於此﹐寫下所發生的一切。] 在與敏特女士交談時﹐我內心煩躁不安﹐就想找隻野雞來操。敏特女士在不斷誇獎我幾星期來取得的跳躍性進展﹐並告訴我應該Be true to myself [忠於自我]。
交談完畢後﹐我迫不及待地用手機打了一個“Model
Directory”[模特指南] (來源於Village Voice [《村莊之聲》] 背後) 的電話並得到了一個為 “Irish-Italian-Blonde-Hotty” [愛爾蘭-意大利-金髮-辣妹] 的VIP model [貴賓模特]。但時為“Half Price”[半價] 期間”﹐故半小時為$90﹐一小時為$120。我得到了她的手機號給她撥打了電話﹐她約我在下午4﹕30PM﹐在30與31 Street, Lexington Avenue [30與31街﹐列克星敦大道] 見面。我隨即在學校Basement Cafeteria [地下室餐廳] 買了Tuna Sandwich [金槍魚三明志], 吃了午飯。飯後便直接去了約定點。
到了目的地又通了電話﹐她告訴我進入一家“Hotel. Don’t talk to anyone. Just come straight up” [“旅館﹐不要與任何人說話﹐直接上樓”]。故照作並直奔八層…號房。開門的是一個“dirty blonde” [暗黃髮] 的胖妞。我心下一個失望。她問我多久﹐我說半小時並付了錢。她與我攀談時我得知她是個big Yankee fan [紐約洋基棒球隊球迷]。她與我搭訕了片刻﹐她不停得對我說今晚的洋基隊球賽多麼的重要(翌日﹐洋基隊贏得了五年連冠﹐此為後話。) 以及之前幾日發生的球場riot [騷亂] 等事例﹐她又說她在某處找了房子﹐旅館祇作接客之用﹐但缺點是沒有太多的頻道﹐在他自家中的電視還帶有porn channel [色情頻道] 等。她應該約有廿四﹐五歲﹐脫光了衣服後露出一身肥肉。今天天氣挺涼﹐來時風也刮得挺厲害﹐她房間還開著冷氣。我說能否關掉﹐她說可以。但我不知怎樣擺弄那機器﹐後由她親自關掉。我這時也赤條條了﹐但心里忽然涼若寒冰﹐小兄弟 “just don’t want to wake up” [“就怎麼也不想醒來”]。她不停地幫我擺弄著﹐我忽然回想到了女友芳芳。她說小兄弟已成為她馴服的一頭寵物﹐祇聽她的話﹐遇到陌生人可不理。我心想真應了她的話。這時胖妞正吮吸著這頭睡獅﹐但它就是“don’t want to wake up” [“怎麼也不想醒來”]。我此時心里對胖妞已無一點性慾﹐故片刻後就作罷。她說“I’m sorry” [“我很抱歉”]。我把衣服穿起﹐便繼續與她閑聊了些許。她問我在哪兒上學﹐住哪兒﹐房租怎樣。我隱瞞了自己的真實identity [身份] ﹐順口把好友祝枝山的info.
[信息] 做為我的了。說我現為Queens College, Bio/Chem. [皇后大學生物化學系] 學生﹐獨住一房﹐月租$450。她說 “you must be smart” [“你應該很聰明”]。我順口說這並非我意願﹐是我父親讓我學的。“I’m thinking about transferring out next year, to some
art-photography related major.” [“我想明年轉學﹐我想上些關於藝術攝影的主修課。”] … …
她笑道﹐ “it’s not my fault, I’m sorry” [“這不是我的錯﹐很抱歉”]。我這時才明白她方才說 “I’m sorry” [“我很抱歉”] 是什麼意思, 即﹕“對不住﹐小兄弟﹐在這兒花的錢有去無回﹐你扔了個子兒連個響都沒聽﹐對不住。” 我穿上我的風衣﹐說了聲“thank you” [“謝謝”]便離開了。
我腦子里這時看到我是郁達夫《沉淪》中的青年。我是唐朝學子求學在他鄉。我心中一種很奇怪的荒謬感不停地在嘲諷著我。我成了Camus [加繆] 筆下的Meursault—the stranger
[默爾索—陌生人]﹗
沒有意義的回憶又一次嚇倒了你﹗(09/18/03 )
是我的obsessive-compulsive-bipolar-manic-depression
[強迫-強制-兩極-狂躁-憂鬱症] 在作怪﹖我走在人群中﹐感到走在上海的淮海路﹐北京的王府井﹐希臘的雅典﹐洛杉磯﹐舊金山。我與一雙又一雙瞳孔不斷地搭電﹐我感到他們都在打量我﹐我臉上是否寫滿了字﹖我額頭上是否寫著“我是嫖客﹖” 我的耳邊不斷傳來Roger Waters [羅杰‧沃特斯(Pink
Floyd平克·弗洛伊德, 英国著名摇滚乐队主唱)] 的歌聲﹕
“Momma loves her
baby.
And Daddy loves
you too.
And the sea may
look warm to ya, babe.
And the sky may
look blue.
Ooooooooooo,
Babe, Oooooooooooo, babe blue… ….”
[媽媽愛她的寶貝。
爸爸也愛你。
還有那海水在你看來非常的溫暖﹐寶貝。
天看上去很藍。
哦… 寶貝﹐哦…寶貝﹐多藍… …]
我這時就想找一個陰道鑽進去。我腦子里忽然想起了昨日Voice [《村莊之聲》] 上看到的廣告﹐Empire Erotica [帝國色情] ﹐我正走向這方向在33rd
Street﹐between 5th Avenue and Broadway [33街﹐在5大道和百老匯大道之間] 。我先看見了那帝國大廈﹐它猶如一個巨大的Phallus [陽具] ﹐兀立在曼哈頓島上。Empire!
[帝國﹗] 我果然看到了一大堆色情商店在那裡﹐他們會永遠徘徊在帝國大廈旁。
我進了一家﹐街上有一個小妞正叫喚著招攬客人進她那兒的一個脫衣舞廳。她吆呵著﹐“Live nude models. We’ve got big TV screen showing the Yankees! Come
and watch the game while watch the show!” [“現場裸體模特。我們有大電視銀幕正在播洋基隊﹗請進來同時觀看比賽和表演﹗”] 我進了那家店的二層﹐有Peep Booth [偷窺亭] , 以及Live Fantasy
Booth [現場夢幻亭] 。一層里面則是一些一般的小booth [亭] ﹐里配有video TV screen showing porn, pop in a bill to start the show [電視屏幕播放色情錄像﹐丟一塊錢進去立即開演] , 把門關上。
我不由自主地上了二層﹐一上去就被一群性感的playmates [玩伴] 招了過去。她們一個個擺頭弄姿﹐獻出萬般風情來招攬客人。她們是Live Fantasy Booth [現場夢幻亭] 小姐﹐賣藝不賣身﹐有黑人﹐白人﹐西裔。我就問了坐在第一個的身材一流的黃髮西裔小妞﹐她說 “twenty-five dollar for eight minutes. Twenty for me, five for the machine”
[“每八分鐘二十五元。二十是給我的﹐五塊是給機器的”] 。我這時被這的環境以及性感的小妞給“wake up” [“弄醒了”] 了﹐故要了這個小姐。這時生意比較清淡﹐只有我一個男人﹐旁邊又上來了一個西裔男孩﹐看上去也就十八﹐九歲﹐那些小姐們都在和他搭訕著﹐可他並沒有什麼動靜。我的這位小姐為我彈開了一張20元鈔票﹐就讓我進了另一間。我的這間也就一個電話亭大小﹐沒有椅子﹐右上方倒有一個紙巾盒﹐下面有一園桶垃圾箱﹐裡面半桶揉碎一團的手紙。我的小妞隔著我面前的玻璃吆喝道讓我把錢塞進機器裡﹐就像玩游戲機一樣﹐“嘟”的一聲﹐“Let the show begin” [“演出現在開始了”]。
接著一聲“嚨嚨”聲玻璃上的黑幕慢慢地捲了起來﹐那小妞隔著玻璃已經一絲不掛了﹐露出一流的身材﹐丰滿的乳房﹐寬大的盤骨﹐肥胖的屁股與修長的大腿。她可以成為一級的脫衣舞孃。我的左下方有一個電話﹐她那也有一個﹐我們仿彿在監獄裡﹐可我聽她的聲音很清晰﹐便沒有用。她就隔著外面的喧嘩聲肆無忌憚地淫蕩起來﹐並告訴我﹐“you can masturbate” [“你可以手淫”] 。我自然地請出了我的小兄弟﹐此時他忽然醒了﹐並蠢蠢欲動。我問是否打炮打在玻璃上﹐她說 “that’s why there’s napkins” [“這就是為什麼準備了手紙”] 。她顯得十分自然﹐且馬上進入角色。她拿出一根塑料粉紅色的dildo [假陰莖] ﹐問我是否要用。我說好的。她回道 “oh, then you’ve got to put in some more money” [“哦﹐那你就得多付點錢”] 。我這時已是她的手中之物﹐言聽計從﹐問多少﹐她道﹕“at least a ten” [“至少十塊”] 。我便隨手從口袋裡取出一張她剛給我找出的十元﹐塞進了一個縫口﹐她在那裡接到﹐好比在taxi [出租車] 裡付司機錢一樣。接著她就躺在一張高椅子上﹐(the whole
environment is very claustrophobic, which makes the atmosphere rather more
exciting.) [整個環境非常的幽閉﹐自然也使得氣氛顯得更為刺激。] 不停地用那dildo [假陰莖] 穿刺著她的屄﹐並大聲呻吟起來。我看著她手中的粉紅色dildo [假陰莖] 進出著她那粉紅色的陰戶﹐自然地用自己的手(左手﹐“the evil hand” [“這邪惡之手”] )
配合著自己的“帝國大廈”﹐並計算著時間的流逝 (八分鐘為限)﹐在她的淫叫聲中﹐在外面吵鬧的喧嘩聲中﹐在如引擎運作飛快的大腦浮現出混沌時﹐我高潮到了﹐伴隨著“嘟”的一聲機器響﹐黑幕降臨… …
我出來時那小妞還未出來﹐我沒打招呼就離去了。出booth [亭] 時﹐旁邊仍坐著另一個小妞還問我 “want to try again” [“想要再來一次嗎”]﹖
… …
又一次﹐行走在大街上﹐人群中﹐我的左手此時像一隻殘廢了的手﹐上面“血跡斑斑”﹐現在在秋風吹過後而petrified [石化] ! 我進入1號9號地鐵站。坐downtown
local train [下城慢車] 迴23街。這時的我是一具行尸走肉﹕a walking dead。我的腦子變成了這又黑又髒的地鐵通道﹐伴隨著撕心裂肺的機器慘叫聲。我離開了地鐵站﹐回到了學校﹐在校門口碰到了同學﹐Marie [瑪麗] ﹐她漫不經心地和我打了半個招呼敷衍了一下﹐正要回家﹐而我也強作笑顏﹐把這死灰的臉從新變回到常人狀態﹐不知她有沒有看出我那殭尸般的眼神﹐或是她doesn’t really gives a shit (in which, I think the latter is the
case) [屁不管她事 (我想後者應該是)] 。我出示學生證給門衛看後﹐進了正等著我的敞開著它的胸膛的電梯﹐等我進去便把我吞進了它的肚子﹐where I felt safe [在裡面我感到安全] 。
我回到了工作室﹐一切照舊﹐此時無任何人﹐整個工作室就我一人﹐那頁打開的Village
Voice [《村莊之聲》] 上的無數妖精們仍諂媚地向我淫蕩地吱牙咧嘴地笑著, “oh, come on, baby. Oh, baby, oh, oh, ooh…” [“哦﹐快來﹐寶貝﹐哦﹐寶貝﹐哦﹐哦﹐啊…”] “去死吧”﹗我把那幾頁團起揉碎扔進了垃圾箱。我坐了下來﹐一遍死沉沉地寂靜。我已疲憊不堪﹐在這轉椅上我溶化成了一堆漿糊。我精疲力盡地只想躺一會兒﹐便拿了一些碎布﹐到我的鄰居兼前女友Iris [艾里斯] 的工作室﹐鋪在地上﹐因我的工作室靠窗太亮。睡了下來﹐合上眼﹐恍惚中我並未真正睡著﹐感覺我又躺在了Iris [艾里斯] 的懷裡﹐可已今非昔比。
睡了一會子﹐我開始忙些瑣事﹐這時我的同學Bo [伯] (一個剃了Taxi Driver [《出租車司機》(電影) ]裡Travis Bickle [特拉維斯‧比克] 的Mohawk [雞冠頭] 髮型的高瘦男孩﹐我一直懷疑他是同性戀。) 來轉轉我的工作室。我和他攀談了一陣﹐還挺投機﹐這時我正在放Pink Floyd [平克·弗洛伊德 (英国著名摇滚乐队)]﹐The Wall [《牆》] 裡的音樂﹐手中在畫速寫簿的一頁電線桿與血紅色的天空﹐我向他闡明了 Pink Floyd對於我龐大的影響。他說他對我目前的作品很喜歡﹐相對我幾月前的作品來說。接著我去四樓參觀了他的工作室﹐他的作品都是大尺寸﹐畫框與合成材料﹐主要以床單等布料完成﹐一種絲網﹐柔軟﹐光滑﹐性感的感覺。他把某些作品裡墊了人型狀的東西﹐讓這布料鼓出來﹐仿彿裡面躺著什麼人或東西﹐讓我感覺是他的bedroom vision (and only god knows what he’s doing at the time) [臥室幻想 (只有天曉得他在裡面做什麼)] , 我又一次問他用什麼材料﹐他娘娘腔地回答道 “oh, mostly fabric, silk, I use a lot of things, plastic, … semen” [“哦﹐主要是布料﹐絲綢﹐我用了很多東西﹐塑料… 精液”] 。還有些作品他說是他稍早一些的創作﹐更加野性雜亂一點﹐有許多合成品﹐包括一些罐頭魚苗﹐使我想起了這些死魚苗和精子的相似性。它們就這麼慘的被拋灑在這鮮紅血紅的床單上﹐然後風化﹐乾枯﹐成為化石。這讓我想起了剛才我那隻罪惡的左手﹐那些死在這手上的死魚﹐被紐約的寒風吹乾﹐成為我這活化石的一部份。Bo [伯] 說他晚上要去他朋友的一場演出﹐問我有沒有興趣﹐我說我7點要去China 2000
[中國2000] 畫廊參加一個開幕式。我自我感覺挺疲勞﹐就作罷謝絕他的邀請了。
接著我就把工作室裡的瑣事做完﹐離開了學校。在坐電梯時﹐我進去時有一個孤零零的亞裔小妞站在裡面的一角落﹐她那可憐巴巴的樣子讓我覺得她活像一隻弱小的小白兔﹐在她眼裡我這披黑風衣的雄性動物對她有沒有一定的威脅性﹖到了一層我讓她先出了電梯﹐出大門後﹐在黑色夜幕的掩護下遮擋了我可惡可憎的醜陋嘴臉時我向她開始“套瓷”﹐問這問那﹐並主動拋出我這魔爪向她伸出友誼之手﹐握手並道 “nice to meet you” [“很高興認識妳”] ﹐言下之意為“I want to eat you” [“我想吃了妳”] 。我得知她是韓國留學生在這裡讀大學二年級室內裝璜系。我從她那來自遙遠高麗的保守口吻中﹐看到了她的一生﹐並為她現身在紐約感到萬分感慨﹐真是一隻潔白的綿羊掉進了這烈火燃燒的罪惡大都市(sin city) ﹐到處是慾望的火苗縱伸著﹐她依然保持著她那無瑕。相比之下﹐我已是一頭變種山羊而成的Satyr [撒提爾 (希臘神話中半人半獸的森林之神)] 了﹗我看到了她是Mommy [媽咪] 與Daddy [爹嘀] 的Good cutie
girl [善良可愛的小女孩] ﹔她單戀一個男孩的執著﹔她的初吻﹔她掙扎拒絕男友對她的出格動作﹔她在機場告別父母的眼淚﹔她回到親人身邊時的有一次眼淚﹔她不想受到傷害﹗她父母對她也萬分的叮嚀囑咐紐約城的恐怖和到處充滿著像我這樣的壞蛋… …
在交談了兩分鐘後我們轉彎走到Barnes & Noble
[巴爾斯&諾布 (美國版新華書店) ] 門口時﹐她小聲地向我說了聲 “nice to meet you” [“很高興認識你”]﹐笑容可拘地離去﹐同時把剛才發生的兩分鐘內的事一起拋給了紐約的秋風﹐吹到了九霄雲外的黑幕與那混沌中去了。我也同時再想不起剛纔發生了什麼。操﹗那女孩長什麼樣我都一點沒印象了。
我繼續在黑夜中前進﹐步伐飛快﹗兩邊霓虹閃爍好比靈光通明﹐孤魂野鬼們正游蕩穿梭在大街小巷中。那些魑魅魍魎的尖叫與嚎喪震耳欲聾﹐可我並不作理會﹐我心想﹕“去你們媽的屄﹗”又想“I’m fuckin’ existential down to the fuckin’ bone marrow” [“我已經他媽的存在主義到他媽的骨髓裡了”] 。幾分鐘後我進入了Uptown﹐N﹑R Train [上城﹐N、R車] 地鐵站﹐有詩為證﹕
喪家鬼的嚎叫游蕩在陰森的大街小巷。成群結隊的人們好比那橫衝直撞的精子﹐拼命地漫游在這無底的通道中。此時我的心肺就像那年久起殼皴開的天花板﹐眼帘蒙上了一層霧﹐好比那得了白內障的傢伙。
眼上﹐窗上﹐斑斑點點的雨滴打濕了你﹐淹死你﹗就這樣無聲無息的被這空氣中每一粒H2O分子轟炸﹐啄食﹐吞噬﹐消滅…
太陽開始發霉。
螞蟻
老鼠
鴿子
這城市忠實冷眼旁觀者﹐你們的眼睛就是上帝的眼睛﹐就等人們開始遺忘的那一刻﹐將啄食掉這城市披掛著的新衣。*
*取自《孤獨的游蕩者》
“You are not a
beautiful and unique snow flake. You’re the same decaying organic matter as
everything else. Nothing is static, everything is falling apart.”
[泰勒 (電影《搏擊俱樂部》中的主角) 的聲音浮現在我的腦海之中﹕
“你不是一個漂亮又獨一無二的雪花。你就是又一個與其他一切有機物質一樣的東西。萬物皆無靜止﹐萬物皆在分解腐爛之中。”]
我出了地鐵已置身在富麗堂皇的紐約中城區57 Street &
Fifth Avenue [57街和5大道] 。這裡燈火亮麗高貴﹐每個人都披金帶銀地漂亮地像一片beautiful
and unique snow flake [漂亮又獨一無二的雪花]
。“溶化吧﹗”我心想。我來到一座大樓前﹐在大樓指南找到了China 2000 [中國2000] 的樓層。與門衛打了招呼並登記姓名﹐我胡亂寫了個Binghamton Young [賓厄姆頓‧楊] 和時間﹐就進了電梯。這時有一老一少兩位女士也進了這狹小的電梯﹐她們互相說中文﹐看樣子也是赴宴來的。我打量她們應是母女倆﹐這小的有幾分姿色﹐她那不斷撇我的眼神讓我感覺她是一個不安於現狀的女人﹐雖然目前看上去比較保守﹐但實是潛力不凡﹐乃一棟樑之材﹐要不是她母親在這裡壓陣﹐我們可能早已勾搭上了。
電梯還沒到﹐那嚨嚨喧譁聲已非常清晰﹐我感到我們是一群牲口被送進了屠宰場。電梯門一開裡面已是人丁興旺﹐擠得透不過氣來。我看到許許多多熟悉的嘴臉﹐大家都在臉上疊起幾塊肥肉﹐瘦肉﹐肥皮﹐瘦皮﹐強作笑顏狀互相點頭哈腰。也有許多在酒精的控制下談得手舞足蹈﹐just having a good time [僅僅是輕鬆快活一下而已。] 。我第一個見到的是中年女攝影家金旻多多﹐她一頭蓬鬆的黑髮﹐黑衣﹐但臉上因歲月積累的皺紋使我覺得她看上去非常之憔悴。我向她很禮貌地打了招呼﹐可她似理非理的樣子使我不能和她繼續說第二句話﹐也因為此時她正和一“成功人士”進行著一項“成人”交談。我是在場最年輕的一個藝術家﹐準確地說我仍是一art student [藝術系學生] ﹐比我更小的是那些參加人帶來的四﹐五歲的小孩﹐他們不管哪是藝術品﹐哪是古董﹐穿梭在人群中﹐爬在一古董樣的大竹椅上。I wish I could be like them [我真希望我也能和他們一樣] 。但我的個頭在人群中又挺拔兀立鴨群﹐使那些人都對我拋了一個質疑的眼神﹐“這小子是誰”﹖“這小子肯定是一乳臭未干的artist-want-to-be [想當藝術家積極份子]
。” 我回敬他們的眼神裡帶有很強的威脅力﹐攻擊力﹐所謂初出牛犢嗎﹐我現在荷兒蒙旺盛﹐新陳代謝強勁﹐腎上腺素(adrenalin) 高昂﹐使我充滿的氣質給人一種警惕心。
我把書包放在角落就先開始研究參展作品。有一位叫沈忱的傢伙是上海人﹐畫的是quasi-
[準-] 水墨﹐acrylic-abstract-semi-expressionist
[丙烯-抽象-半-表現派] 抽象畫。另一個畫的是以商﹐周青銅器圖紋為底的顏色響亮的裝飾性油畫。人群中還有擺放了一些水墨紙紋作的仿庭園文人石(scholar-rock) 的雕塑。讓我覺得最有意思值得我去留心的是一個用指紋放大拼貼作的作品。似乎這些作品只是點綴氣氛而以﹐使它們埋沒在互相交流的人群中顯得微不足道。Fuckin’ pathetic。 [真他媽的可悲。]
所有的人都在聊天﹐喝酒。我這時又和老畫家張宏圖與其夫人打了招呼。二老都已白髮蒼蒼﹐顯得飽經了中國近代史的滄桑﹐使我感到有一絲荒謬的是他們在這慾望海洋裡的反差與對比﹐可能是我覺得“慾望”和“年輕”劃等號。他們對我泛泛地敷衍了一下﹐繼續與“成功人士”們交談﹐可能是他們覺得和我之間有著一道萬丈峽谷﹐張夫人說都認不出我了﹐上一次見面也就幾月前﹐因我如今已把長髮扎起並不戴眼鏡了﹐可見年輕人變化之快﹐幾月間已脫胎換骨﹐判若兩人了。接下來遇見了蒙古藝術家巴特﹐他一看到我便堆起一臉橫肉笑容可掬地說﹕“好久不見﹐小兄弟。” 這時旁邊又來了一位中年女士﹐他便介紹說我是他的學生。那女人便哈哈大笑道﹕“哇﹐連髮型都一樣﹗”(在此我要說明我與巴特只是互相見過幾面﹐並非他的學生﹐他聲稱我為他的學生只不過是一種很自然的中國式的年齡﹐輩分優越感﹐對此我質疑那些道貌岸然的孫子們﹐因我並無任何年齡﹐輩分自卑感。第二﹐髮型的相同等於一些意識形態的類似﹐並無師徒之意。) 我與他們拉扯了幾句﹐便磨合出了他們的陣營。這時China Institute [美華協進社] 的晴雯女士拍了我一下。我們很高興的寒敘了幾句﹐我誇她氣色不錯之後她便excuse herself to go see the paintings [托辭致歉繼續欣賞畫作去了] 。晴雯女士現仍舊單身﹐對於一位中國女人年進四十仍未試婚而已在情場是飽經風霜﹐我在她的眼角上看到了許多皺紋﹐覺得應證了Tyler’s words: “Everything is decaying. Hey, even the Mona Lisa is
falling apart” [泰勒的話﹕“萬物皆在腐爛中。嘿﹐就連蒙娜麗莎也在分解之中”] 。正是﹕
道之大﹕萬物皆應。
道之靈﹕萬物皆通。
道之體﹕萬物之本。
這時我在人群中終於找到了約我來此的好友﹐鄭連傑。(我來此的主要目的有二﹕1．與連傑見面。2．發現與尋覓小妞。次要目的有二﹕1．看看作品。2．湊湊熱鬧。) 他正與兩個人交談。我上去與他打招呼後他把那兩位介紹了一下。一個是自稱“八戒” 的蒙古音樂人﹐長得像高麗人﹐染了黃頭髮﹐也算是在場比較年輕的一位﹐搞電子﹐Techno [電子技術] 音樂。據連傑說他們打裝修工時經常同事﹐據巴特說他在蒙古做的環境藝術其背景音樂即為此人所作。另一人是一位歐洲某籍的畫家﹐他們問了些我的情況﹐我如實回答。我發現在場的所謂圈內人都到場了﹐看到了許多熟面孔﹐但未打招呼﹐包括當代中國藝術現任大腕張桓﹐徐冰二人也親臨此地。我看到他們在與其他人交談﹐也沒有感覺有要上去和他們交流的慾望﹐雖然幾年前當我剛開始對當代中國藝術啟蒙時對他們的大名如雷貫耳並閱讀到許多關於他們的文章。此時此地在我面前的他們卻代表著權威與父輩的力量。我感覺他們也打量著我﹐不知我是哪座山上的﹐廟裡的小嘍羅﹐小沙彌﹐如今見了真佛竟如此囂張。我感到Freud [弗洛伊德] 的名言在此應徵了我的心態﹕“The
hero is the man who resists his father’s authority and overcomes it” [“英雄是抗拒父權並致力於超越他們的那個人”]。 站在這密密麻麻的人群中孤零零的我感到我在alienate myself from the crowd [將自己與群眾異化開來。] 。我甚至感到我成了一透明人。我忽然對此時此地的時空概念開始動搖﹐我懷疑這兒的一切。我懷疑你們臉上的笑﹐我懷疑我個體的存在。
這次gathering [群集] 我還交談過的人士是連傑的女友Alice [艾麗斯] ﹐此為我們第一次見面﹐彼此初步了解了一下對方。我還與China 2000 [中國2000] 的老闆打了招呼﹐問他咨詢了怎樣申請在貴畫廊展出事宜。老闆是一西裝筆挺的中年美籍華裔“成功人士”﹐對我給予了非常精簡的答覆﹕“寄slides [幻燈片] ”。在場的還有一位對我很友善的人是一位非常紳士派頭的白人老頭服務生。他還持英國口音﹐並給我慇懃添酒。他對我和氣的原因可能是他在在場的眾人中與我找到了某種共同點。他對我穿的這件黑色兵馬俑T-shirt [惕恤衫] 甚感興趣﹐並風趣地說下一次去西安我要給他買一件。他說很遺憾他還未去過西安﹐只在香港﹐日本等地旅居過一段時間。我心想他肯定是個很有意思的藝術家。呆了將近一個小時後我問了連傑要了隻菸就離去了。
無比健康的人們享受著﹐沉浸著。
可我的黑影將在夜幕中默默地離去﹐去尋找失去已久的家園。*
*摘自E-generation [《E世代》]
我離開了China 2000[中國2000] 後便從這繁華的曼哈頓中城大都會消失了。鑽進黑洞。在地鐵站小攤上我買了兩本雜誌﹐Stuff [《玩意兒》] ﹐因裡面有Carmen
Electra [卡門‧意萊克查 (美國魅力女明星)] 無比完美性感的照片讓我想到了上帝。還有一本Heavy Metal [《重金屬》]﹐因上面的畫畫得無以侖比﹐而這段時間我一直在考慮drawing [素描] 的問題。
我迴到了家之後母親還未開飯故先上了二樓工作室。當坐在電腦桌前的一剎那我的腦子一下froze [凍住] 了而且一片空白。我雖然方纔與這麼多人說了話可此時卻感到無比孤獨。我想投入母親的懷抱可我這5尺11寸的身軀早已讓這想法成為昨日之夢而成為一場泡影。我心裡很清楚沒人能幫我﹐我只有自救。這時芳芳給我來了一個電話﹐告訴我我要和她去看的的那部電影Once Upon a Time in Mexico [《曾經在墨西哥》] 在某時某地放映。我掛了電話後便情不自禁地打開了電腦上的ACD-See (瀏覽圖片軟件)﹐打開My File [我的文檔] ﹐打開Jiemeimeng
[姐妹們 (拼音)] 文件夾﹐開始一一瀏覽起這屏幕上一個又一個女神。她們永遠毫不厭倦地在那對我放射著希望之光﹕
“那道黃金光芒﹐灑向大地﹐灑向樹葉﹐灑向我枯乾的皮膚。我默默地受著祂的滋潤﹐祂的洗禮﹐又一次起死回生。”
我掏出我那個又一次興致勃勃的小兄弟開始擺弄起來。幾分鐘後我完全不由自主的撥起了芳芳的電話﹐她接到後﹐我告訴她我想現在就見她並和她做愛。她說可以並問我有否吃晚飯﹐如沒有她給我做飯。我把小兄弟暫時請回原處後就打了電話要了一部計程車。穿戴好衣服﹐帶上耳機便準備出發。在臨走時我告訴母親晚飯出去與芳芳吃了﹐就頭也不回地匆匆離去﹐我感覺到我母親的身影在背後停留了很久﹐她肯定感覺到了什麼﹐但這時我已鑽進了計程車一溜煙地飛了。我坐在後排座位告訴了司機地址後便開始聽CD Player [音樂光碟機] 裡的音樂。這時我感到特別像電影《本命年》裡李慧泉在片中結局時坐在計程車裡的狀態。
“Take me, take
me away, from this lonesome town”。(Jimmy Hendrix)
[“帶我﹐帶我離開﹐離開這孤獨的地方”。(吉米‧亨德里克斯*著名美國搖滾樂人)]
耳機裡傳來了Pink Floyd那熟悉的歌聲﹕
“Mother, do
you think they’ll drop the bomb?
Mother, do you
think they’ll like this song?
Mother, do you
think they’ll try to break my balls?
Mother, should I
build a wall?
…
Hush, my baby,
baby, don’t you cry.
Momma’s gonna
make all your nightmare come true.
Momma’s gonna
put all of her fears into you.
Momma’s gonna
keep you right here under her wing.
She won’t let
you fly but she’ll let you sing.
Mamma’s gonna keep her baby cozy and warm.
Oooooo, Babe…
Mother, do you think she’s
good enough?
Mother, do you think she’s dangerous?
Mother, will she tear your little boy apart?
Hush,
my baby, baby, don’t you cry.
Momma’s
gonna check out all your girlfriends for you.
Momma
won’t let anyone dirty get through.
Momma’s
gonna wait up until you get in.
Momma
will always find out where you’ve been.
Momma’s
gonna keep baby healthy and clean.
Oooooo,
Babe, Ooooo, Babe.
Oooooo,
Babe, you’ll always be baby to me.”
[“媽媽﹐妳覺得他們會丟下炸彈嗎﹖
媽媽﹐妳覺得他們會喜歡這首歌嗎﹖
媽媽﹐妳覺得他們是否會打爆我的蛋﹖
媽媽﹐我是否要建起一堵牆﹖
…
噓﹐我的寶貝﹐寶貝﹐不要哭。
媽媽會使你的噩夢變成真。
媽媽會把她所有的恐懼置入你。
媽媽會把你好好地藏在她的翅膀下。
她不會讓你飛﹐但她會讓你唱。
媽媽會讓她的寶貝感到舒適和溫暖。
哦… 寶貝…
媽媽﹐妳覺得她是否好﹖
媽媽﹐妳覺得她是否會很危險﹖
媽媽﹐她是否會把妳的小寶貝撕碎﹖
噓﹐我的寶貝﹐寶貝﹐不要哭。
媽媽會替你檢驗你所有的女朋友。
媽媽不會讓任何下三爛接近你。
媽媽會等在這兒直到你先進去。
媽媽會永遠知道你去了那裡。
媽媽會讓她的寶貝永遠健康乾淨。
哦… 寶貝﹐哦… 寶貝。
哦… 寶貝﹐你會是我永遠的寶貝。”]
車子到了她家門口我給了司機十塊錢就下了車。我在門口等了好一會兒芳芳才來開門﹐我在寒冷的風裡呆得特別難受便埋怨了幾句﹐她說她在燒菜沒有聽見。我進了屋便倒在床上動彈不得了。耳裡不停地在來回放著那首歌﹐沉浸在這種懷舊狀態中不能自拔了。我閉上眼睛試圖什麼也不想﹐只去感受與體驗﹐我的眼睛慢慢濕潤了。這時手機響了﹐是我母親打來的電話﹐她說是否是我生氣她做飯太晚而不高興了。我說你想到哪去了﹐不用擔心﹐我正和芳芳吃飯呢。她這才放心地掛了電話。我走出臥房芳芳正在那裡準備晚飯﹐她問我怎麼今天情緒不對﹐是否和父母吵架了。我說沒有﹐然後說我也不知道﹐藝術家有時候就這樣﹐我問她有沒有煩我﹖她說沒有﹐她願意。她給我做了蝦人兒炒飯﹐讓我先吃飯她就去洗澡了。我把飯拿進臥房邊吃邊看PBS 13頻道正在播放的關於Winston Churchill [溫斯頓‧邱吉爾] 的紀錄片。我深感Churchill
[邱吉爾] 的偉大與自己的渺小並在內心深處被他所觸動。The man will be
destroyed and come resurrected and become a stronger man [此人即將被毀滅﹐遂而即被賦予再生且更為強壯] ﹐我心想。
飯後我拿出事先卷好的一隻大麻菸抽了半根﹐當芳芳再次出現在我面前時她已變成了一個無比性感的女神。穿了一件絲綢睡衣﹐就鑽進了被窩。我們互相擁抱著。我感到了“cozy and warm” [“舒適和溫暖”]﹐“Ooooo, Babe”
[“哦﹐寶貝…”]。慢慢地便和她一起進入了幸福殿堂。
我們躺在沙灘上﹐她開始變成了一頭巨大無比的蝸牛﹐濕潤地爬滿了我一身﹐粘粘的﹐不停吮吸著我的臉。遠處西沉的太陽明亮﹐但不耀眼﹐紅彤彤的彩光射向我們的皮膚﹐那有節奏的有節拍的浪花拍的著沙石。懸崖上那些音樂家正陶醉地演奏著他們的狂想曲。這音樂聽上去像是一種歌頌式的讚歌。突然﹐她掐住了我的脖子開始瘋狂地撕咬起來﹐我的嘴唇感到陣陣被鋸齒啃咬﹐喉嚨感到被掐得快要窒息。我睜開眼看見扒在我身上一頭碩大的螳螂﹐用她那前臂把我的脖子牢牢地鎖定﹗我感到自己被釘在了一個十字架上﹐將要被crucify [釘死] 在那無奈的cross of
fatality [宿命十字架] 之上。啊﹗我可憐的母親﹐正在那裡呆呆地望著我﹐老淚縱橫雙頰。
“Forgive me, Mother” [“原諒我﹐母親”]。我的腦子被針插著﹐我開始撕心裂肺地嚎叫起來﹐“save me, save me” [“拯救我﹐拯救我”]
﹗
這時她松開了我﹐變回了她那Aphrodite [阿佛羅狄蒂 (希臘愛神)] 的樣子﹐無限的柔軟﹐那肌膚就像潔白的cheese [奶酪] ﹐她給了我一個淫笑﹐就直沖我的下身。她握著我那直挺的生殖器﹐把嘴扣上去。那東西變成了金光發亮的寶塔﹐一點點往上升。那頭部慢慢又變成了張猙獰恐怖的臉﹐尖叫起來。但根部仍被那predator [掠奪性食肉動物] 牢牢握住。所有的東西都失去了地心的引力﹐開始變形而失去了它原有的比例。我被慢慢地抬向空中﹐身邊雲霧繚繞﹐她筆直地坐了上來。我那座丰碑就直插入她的體內﹐並親吻著她的花蕊。我們彼此扭動起來﹐隨風起舞。她那黑髮飄逸無比﹐正如杜工部所云﹕
顛狂柳絮隨風舞﹐輕狂桃花逐水流。
又有詩云﹕
冰肌玉膚雪中蓮﹐含紅吐絲欲纏綿。
單刀直入深山穴﹐食得千年如意眠。
我的耳邊傳來一聲聲的叫春﹐伴隨著廱廱雁鳴﹐回眸一望兩排鴻鵠南歸去。我開始不停地用力向她頂去﹐感覺直搗一股春泉﹐一道道甘露流了下來﹐我往下仰望﹐怎麼也看不到她的臉﹐只望見那雙乳﹐這時她開始分解﹐她的雙臂首先脫落了下去﹐掉人雲層中﹐越來越小﹐好比宇宙飛船直沖九天時一節節地卸掉它那些輔助部件。剩餘在我身上的是一段Venus [維納斯] 軀干。她頸部以上完全被雲層淹沒只聽到隆隆咆哮聲。接著她把我換到了上方﹐她岔開了雙腿仿彿一道筆直的峽谷﹐邀請我這火車頭開進山洞﹐“呼”的一聲。我使勁地蠕動著下體﹐開始對她施暴﹕我不斷地捅著她伴隨著一聲又一聲的慘叫。我左手像抓一隻雞一樣抓住她的脖子﹐右手不斷地揉踐著她的酥胸。然後把頭埋進了她的下巴﹐嘴飢渴地湊到她的脖子上﹐像吸血鬼一樣咬著她﹐這一剎那讓我想起了我曾在遠古時以同樣的姿勢吃過人。一切好比déjà vu [夢影幻憶] ﹐我曾是個cannibal
[食人族] 。我要吃了她。她一次又一次的痙攣了。突然她張開雙翅﹐騰空一下飛了出去﹐剩下我手中抱著的一雙干枯的軀殼。
她又換了個姿勢﹐把雙股翹起使我居高臨下﹐我頭頂著天﹐雙膝跪在大地上﹐對准她的後方連接上去。這就好比一場祭天地的儀式﹐使我們形成了連體的一頭怪獸。這時我飛快地往下俯衝下去﹐背後狠狠地被中了一箭﹐血漿噴灑出來﹐萬古的苦難與幸福同時在這一刻爆發了。上帝啊﹐你必須派你的天使對准這狂妄的少年射出一箭﹐因為他畢竟還是一谷中之人 (曰﹕俗人者﹐是也。)﹐他要想到山頂上就必須要一步一步地爬上去。我可憐的Icarus [伊卡洛斯 (希神)] ﹐你試圖凌空御風﹐直上七重天﹐可最終離太陽飛得太近而掉了下來﹐掉入西邊的虞淵你一陣快感隨之慘叫了一聲﹐但夢破碎了。
“Good bye,
blue sky.
Good bye, blue sky.
Good bye.
Good bye.”
[“再見﹐藍天。
再見﹐藍天。
再見。
再見。”]
我重重地摔在地上﹐赤裸裸地跌入這人寰。我這才發現﹐原來我們都是谷中之人。我因為熱血沸騰不甘被限於此地而一次又一次的想要逃走﹐但一次又一次地在空中被射落。所看到的只是那焰火閃爍的一瞬間。我四處眺望﹐原來到處都是奴性的人群不停地在耕作﹐以圖豐收﹐但他們究竟挖到了什麼﹖—你自己的十字架﹗然後就被釘了上去﹗
我和芳芳雲雨了好幾小時﹐被射落了兩次後我才善罷甘休。我和她隨便聊了些東西南北﹐便叫了計程車回家﹐自不在話下。車子很快把我送回了家門口﹐我看到客廳的燈還亮著﹐此時差不多是1:30am。我沒有立刻回家﹐而是在這秋夜裡徘徊了一會子。此時月色明朗﹐那月中的嫦娥還對我溫柔地微笑了一下。我掏出那半根未抽完的大麻菸在這夜幕中點起﹐靜靜地欣賞著這黑夜的街景。樹枝對我點頭﹐影子對我招呼著。我想起了李白﹐王維﹕
舉杯邀明月
對影成三人。*
*摘自李白《月下獨酌》
深林人不知
明月來相照。*
*摘自王維《竹裡館》
人們都嚮往陽光的明媚﹐接近太陽﹐殊不知這黑夜同樣如此迷人﹐一種萬物有靈的感覺。沒有比在此刻更能體驗的出了。經過了今天一天的經歷﹐我終於踏實而安心地回家了。進了家門我父母正坐在沙發上看電視劇﹐他們的一項daily routine [日常例行公事] 。一切都還原到了正常的時間規律上。我向他們問好後就上樓進了工作室。一種創作慾忽然填滿胸襟﹐我用剪貼方式 (photo-montage)創作了一張作品﹐並取名《天國》﹐因為在天國裡﹐你就什麼都看到了。凌晨5時終於回歸了夢鄉。有詩為證﹕
曾經
醉裡看花﹐夢中鏡﹐鏡中花。
香馥花叢﹐叢中獸﹐獸中人。
人在何處﹐何處是人間﹖
幽幽曉近﹐癰癰雁過﹔
迷眼昏黑﹐不知山中日﹐月中時;
也曾﹐翱翔浩宇﹔
也曾﹐飄游汪洋﹔
也曾﹐馳騁遼原﹔
也曾﹐燔灼人寰﹔
望穿蒼穹﹐何所有﹐何所在﹖
蠟盡灰散燭消然﹐
留得明月滿塵埃﹐
何待輿(愚)人解迷環﹐
颯颯靈風上庭臺。
posted by Dachuxing大楚兴 at
12:45 PM
2 Comments
About Me
- Name: Dachuxing大楚兴
吾於一九九四年隨家移居美國紐約﹐至今十載有餘。因身置故鄉沃土之大洋彼岸﹐其間失得參半﹕失之者如飛禽無巢﹐走獸無穴﹐終日存皇皇思鄉之懷﹔得之者乃處一佳境遂可隔岸潛心觀吾華夏文明之乾坤虛實﹐究其來龍去脈﹐體其興盛滄桑﹐悟其性靈精髓。今日吾將暢所欲言﹐傾吾宿日之肝膽忠腸﹐以昭天下人為鑒耳。 I immigrated with my family to New York in 1994, and have been living here for more than ten years. Due to the fact that my current residence being so far away from my motherland across the Pacific, I have found that both the rewards and losses have been equally substantial: the losses being as if a bird without its nest to settle in, an animal without its cave to return to, so that I am prone to be melancholy and nostalgic. The rewards however, are having been excellently situated from an ocean-apart distance so that I am able to carry out a profound meditation on the nature of the Chinese civilization, investigate on her provenance and future course, reflect on her prosperity and longevity, and obtain enlightenment on her ethos and spirit. Today I would like to freely enunciate my discoveries and findings, confess my predispositions and my truthful heart, in order to share with everyone a reckoning.
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